As you all know my friend Hoagy has one of the world's largest thimble collections. Let's interview him shall we...
ME: "So Hoag tell us, how long you've collected thimbles?"
HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."
ME: "Is it true you have thimbles from all fifty states and Puerto Rico?"
HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."
ME: "We've heard you had specially made shelves to house your collection...is it true it's made from imported teak?"
HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."
ME: "We've heard your prized piece is the one that has the Lords Prayer emblazoned on the top...any others that are special to you?"
HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."
ME: "We've heard the value of thimbles is skyrocketing...what do you estimate your collection to be worth?"
HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."
ME: "What first attracted you to thimbles?"
HOAG: "I used to help my mom sew buttons on my shirts."
ME: "You wore dresses, didn't you?"
HOAG: "I don't collect thimbles."
ME: "You wore dresses, didn't you?"
HOAG: "Only while sewing"
ME: "Do you have any manly hobbies?"
HOAG: "I collect thimbles"
ME: "That aint manly"
HOAG: "Is wearing dresses?"
ME: "Nope."
HOAG: "Is that a french fry in my sewing basket?"
ME: "It's all yours buddy"
MMMMMMmmmmmm....that Hoagy is so fine!
ReplyDeleteNoOprah:
ReplyDeleteSometimes a line of questioning can reveal bias on the part of the interviewer. You might have asked Hoagy if he has collected any MANLY thimbles.
For instance, I have a Chuck Norris thimble. I just throw it into my sewing basket and my socks darn themselves.
-- Lamont Cranston
You might want to go back to writing lists with nothing for #7.
ReplyDeleteI thought he collected those little wee silver souvenir teaspoons...or is that you?
ReplyDeleteDear Bacon Ace,
ReplyDeleteYou're on my list.
"You're on my list."
ReplyDeleteLet me guess--he's #7, right?
Dammit Lois you beat me to it.
ReplyDeleteLois is my hero!
ReplyDelete::blushes::
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cake!
And for my next trick...tah-dah!
(You can't see it, but I'm standing on my head while juggling a dozen thimbles *and* typing this. Very impressive.)
I'm on my head reading this and it looks like you're just standing there withn thimbles in your hands.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday NoOprah :)
ReplyDeleteYou look great for 35!
I hope you're having a sexy birthday!
ReplyDeleteDid I mention the thimbles are on fire?
ReplyDeleteAnd Happy Birthday!
You know, if I had known Hoag collected flaming thimbles I wouldn't have made fun of him.
ReplyDeleteFlaming thimbles would be pretty cool. For hot pieces of metal attached to ones fingers.
Hope supper's fried chicken with tacos, pancakes on the side, and candy for dessert!
ReplyDeleteSomeone wise once told me that you're as young as you act...which makes you about 14.
Happy birthday, retard!
Here's to a happy sexy Fritos filled birthday noOprah.
ReplyDeleteSexy Fritos...what an odd concept.
ReplyDeleteBut what the heck, it's your birthday. Enjoy those sexy Fritos!
Wait...
ReplyDeleteIs that a gray hair I see on your head? Please allow me to rip it out of your scalp and cause you pain!
Happy B-Day! Are you wearing your teal Victoria's Secret thongs?
Plural?
ReplyDeleteI think she's suggesting you need more than one pair...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult.
ReplyDeleteDepends on which way I wear them I suppose...
ReplyDeleteYou can refer to "thongs" in the singular or the plural, as in...
ReplyDelete"Hold on..she's gonna bend over again and you can see the top of her thongs..."
or
"What should I wear? Boxer shorts or a thong for buddy night?"
Happy Birthday, Nooprah.
ReplyDeleteI'm 50 today.
and I'm 64!
ReplyDelete(Will you still love me? Will ya still need me?)
Happy B-day, Nooprah!
It's "Will you still need me, will you still feed me," dolt.
ReplyDelete::smashes a wine glass and waves it at Bacon Ace threateningly::
ReplyDeleteCome over here and say that, I dare ya!!
This is probably my favorite noopie blog entry ever. Damned if I know why. More Hoag dialogues, please! Or I'll even take a Hoag monologue (in the style of Shakespeare and Deadwood).
ReplyDeletePaul, Paul, Paul...you were "the cute one". How did it go so wrong?
ReplyDeleteP.S. This shit wouldn't fly in the Rolling Stones.