Continuing our adventures during Adult I AINT NO OPRAH week...
Remember a couple months ago when Victoria's Secret sent me a gift card wishing me a very SEXY BIRTHDAY?
Well, they sent me another card last week for a free panty.
And not just a regular panty but a seamless panty.
So Monday night I decide to go into Victoria's Secret and get my free seamless panty. (Are seams really a problem on panties?) So I find a sales clerk, let her know I'm here for my free seamless panty, ask some advice on styles, colors, etc.
Now I'm at the checkout counter with my free seamless panties in a pink bag and here is how the conversation went:
VICTORIA: "Did you know you can get $10.00 off on the purchase of any bra in stock?"
ME: "Do I look like a guy who needs a bra?"
VICTORIA: "No...but you don't look like a guy who needs seamless panties either."
Oh, that Victoria!
ReplyDeleteSeamless panties wont chafe a chowder cannon
ReplyDeleteHEY! There's a Cake imposter on the blog! POLICE, POLICE!!!
ReplyDeleteSo what colour seamless panties did you get, anyways? I hope you went for teal.
You'd better have them on today when I come to ye olde comic shoppe.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't Aquaman wear teal tinies?
ReplyDeleteYou were, of course, absolutely right to claim your free panty. If Victoria's Secret is going to offer, you should accept. Can't wait to see how your accepting this offer bumps you up in their promotions file.
We stand behind you, brother.
-- Lamont Cranston
Do they come in my size? I'm so tired of panty lines showing under the spandex.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's a seamless one.
ReplyDeleteWith some pretty lace around the edges...I think NoOprah would really suit lace.
Wouldn't lace counteract the function of seemlessness? No seriously I'm asking.
ReplyDeleteJust announce your true
ReplyDeleteintentions, Stephanie.
Bacon Ace:
ReplyDeleteOh, good point.
(You can see I don't have a lot of experience with seamless products...perhaps I need a trip to see Victoria for some advice!)
(Or I could just ask NoOprah...he seems like an ole pro now....)
That's Cousin Stephanie to you MadDogalina...
ReplyDeleteWhy so mad, Dog?
ReplyDelete"No thanks, I'm lactating."
ReplyDeletelace chafes...
ReplyDeleteso were those seamless panties a thong or bikini?
ReplyDeleteDear NoOprah:
ReplyDeleteI'm eating lunch so please don't answer that last post.
Many thanks,
Cake (the Broad)
Dear Cousin Stephanie:
ReplyDeleteThe matching garters and fishnet stockings that you ordered have arrived. You can pick them up at your convenience.
(I'm glad you went with the hot pink...I think it's really good with your complexion.)
Thank you for your business,
- Victoria
Just got back home from visiting NoOprah's Funny Book & Pancake Emporium...
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to report that there wasn't a seam visible as far as the eye could see.
Lois:
ReplyDeleteHmm...
Seamless panties or...
Is NoOprah goin' commando?
-- Lamont Cranston
I'm still stuck on the fact that Lois just admitted to checkin' out NoOprah's butt.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope Supes ain't the jealous type...
Cake wrote:
ReplyDelete"You can see I don't have a lot of experience with seamless products...perhaps I need a trip to see Victoria for some advice!"
AHA! Cake is a dude!
Did you get that eggs tattoo yet?
ReplyDeleteOh did you say "eggs"? Whoops, now I need to get it changed.
ReplyDeleteCake--
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say? I couldn't help myself!
Lamont--
No clue. Sorry, I didn't inspect that closely. I am a happily married girl reporter, after all!
Lois wasn't checking out my butt....if ya know what I mean.
ReplyDelete::winkwink::
Lamont,
ReplyDeleteGoing commando!!!! Have you been hanging out with my daughter? (Please don't answer that.) Because the first time I heard that phrase was two days ago when she informed me that she was sans panties.
Beginning to wonder about all of your girlfriends....is there an age of consent in the big city?
Hey, it was all in the name of investigative journalism.
ReplyDeleteBemis:
ReplyDeleteDespite (or maybe because of) four years in Georgia -- to say nothing of my own rapidly advancing age -- I've found that most of the women I've been interested in are closer to menopause than puberty.
"Goin' commando" is a phrase that filtered its way up from "Friends" a few years ago -- or so I've heard. As NoOprah may remember, I don't have a television set.
Your daughter has nothing to fear from me. Is her grandmother single?
Lois:
You'd be surprised at how many times I've tried that excuse. My parole officer doesn't want to hear it any more.
-- Lamont Cranston
"Friends?"
ReplyDeleteI don't think so.
"Going Commando" well predates "Friends;" it goes back at least to the 80s, possibly the 70s.
Lamont,
ReplyDeleteYou're in the clear. Sorry to even suggest...well...you know.
But if Robot Boy is correct, why does MY daughter, who lives totally in a 2006 bubble, know about that phrase when I didn't?
Someone must've said it in "That 70's Show," which you wouldn't have seen because you don't watch T.V.
But I still don't ever remember anyone saying they were "goin commando" in the 70's. I'm SO not cool.
She said you don't look like the kind of guy who needs panties?
ReplyDeleteShe's not very good at her job.
Nooprah,
ReplyDeleteWere you dissapointed when you sniffed them after getting them home only to realize that they smelled simly of store shelf?
\\Lois wasn't checking out my butt....if ya know what I mean.//
ReplyDeleteas the saying goes, the proof is in the pudding....
so was your package in the panties?
Lamont,
ReplyDeleteWait. Seriously...you don't have a TV? Is that true? If it's true I guess it's okay because my 10 TVs cancel-out your having 0 TVs.
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