What does Steely Dan sing today?

(I'm glad I took five days off....I'm full of fresh material)

Gone Fishin'

Back on Monday the 30th.

Notes from inside the New England Patriots game.

So I went to the New England Patriots game yesterday.

Wanna read about the game?

Get the sports page.

Wanna read about my view of the game?

Read on.

So I go to the men's room....huge lines inside.

While inside I see this sign on the wall. I take a picture of it.

(Drunken football fans love when you start snapping pix in the men's room.)





Do we really need signs telling us not to drink from the urinals and toilets?

-----------------


And guess what?




Turns out I wasn't in the men's room.

"But your honor, I HAD to!"

So a few minutes ago I see this old lady walking down the street and she's wearing an ill-fitting sweatshirt that had the above logo/design on it.

I'm gonna kill a cat tonight.

It's her fault.

SO TO SUM UP:

Cats don't really leave paw prints on our hearts. They just don't.

Though some of them are kinda cute.

Possibly stolen (and edited) from an AP wire story:

NEAR BOSTON (AP) - I AINT NO OPRAH was set to announce Friday that his powerhouse blog, the foundation of a multibillion-dollar media empire with legions of fans, will end its run in 2011 after 25 seasons on the air.

IANO planned to announce the final date for "THE I AINT NO OPRAH BLOG" during a live broadcast, according to his production company, IANO Productions Inc.

Many fans heading into IANO Studios on Friday morning seemed to support I AINT NO WINFREY'S decision to end the blog.

"You always want to end a blog when people want more - and not when people are sick of the same old tired beat into the ground gags (and the Beatles Game)," said Rebecca Switaj, 31, of Chicago.

Circle Jerk

Do you remember the other day when I was complaining about Circle Jerk coming into my shop every day and just walking around in clockwise circles...sometimes for up to twenty minutes?

He's driving me nuts.




Now he's coming in, sometimes for up to twenty minutes, walking in clockwise circles, AND NOW HE'S TOUCHING EVERY BOOK IN THE STORE!!!

And he's not an attractive gal like the psycho circle walking book touching bitch in the picture.

Bet ya can't make it all the way through!

Breaking Fake News!

Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

With thanks to Mel Brooks.

So I get up this morning with a bad case of 'bed head'.

Wifey looks at me.

Here is that conversation:

WIFEY: "What's up with your hair??"

ME: "What do you mean what's up with my hair?"

WIFEY: "You look like Caesar!"

ME: "Seize this!"

Crazy Jason and Joe Sinnott

CRAZY JASON: "Do you know Joe Sinnott?"

ME: "The guy who used to ink for Marvel Comics?"

CRAZY JASON: "Yes...him."

ME: "I know of Joe...what about him?"

CRAZY JASON: "Well, if you say his name in a slurred way it sounds like Joe Snot."

ME: "Thank you."

And he's back!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drThis guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

_______

SO TO SUM UP:
This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drThis guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

PS:

I think he's on heavy meds.

PPSS

He told me he likes Supergirl.

PPPSSS:


This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drThis guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

_______

SO TO SUM UP:
This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drThis guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

This guy comes in every day and just walks around in circles for twenty minutes or so and it drives me NUTS!

Oliver

So we're watching some show last night and some lady discusses her pet. Wifey decides to ask her a question (Even though it was a TV show and the lady can't hear Wifey or answer her.)

LADY ON TV SHOW: "His name is Oliver, but we call him Ollie!"

WIFEY: "SO WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST NAME HIM OLLIE!!??"

--------

SO TO SUM UP:
Saturday Night at the IANO Ranch.

Probably the best story you'll read this weekend.

(Nov. 6) -- Allison Henry isn't the first to suffer from a horrifying medical condition that few women talk about. But her case was particularly bad, and she's just one of the few brave souls willing to come forward so that others will have the courage to seek help.

To put it bluntly, as Henry does: "My vagina fell out of my body."


--------

FOR THE FULL STORY:

http://www.sphere.com/2009/11/06/woman-reveals-health-horror-my-vagina-fell-out/?icid=main|htmlws-main-w|dl1|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sphere.com%2F2009%2F11%2F06%2Fwoman-reveals-health-horror-my-vagina-fell-out%2F

Nuff Said

The Fort Hood Shooter and Broccoli

Is shooting and killing thirteen people deranged?

Perhaps.


The following is the part that jumped out at me:


:::::::She said Hasan gave her frozen broccoli, spinach, T-shirts and shelves on Wednesday, then returned Thursday morning and gave her his air mattress, several briefcases and a desk lamp.:::::::::::


That's deranged.

You're about to fire up hell on an army base but first you make sure you get rid of your broccoli??

And not just any kind of broccoli.

Frozen Broccoli.

Kudos to The New York Yankees!

Pretend like this says something clever about The Phillies and Dynamite.

Just play the goddamn game!

ME: "You're starving to death...what do you eat...a dog or a cat?"

WIFEY: "Neither."

ME: "You HAVE to pick one. You're starving to death...cat or dog?"

WIFEY: "I'm not eating a cat or a dog."

ME: "You don't have to kill it...it will be prepared. Cat or dog?"

WIFEY: I am not going to eat a cat or dog. That's gross!"

ME: "You're on an island. You're starving to death! A cat. Or a dog?"

WIFEY: "I'm not eating a cat or a dog."

ME: "Do you want some popcorn?"

WIFEY: "No thank you."

This is it.

ME: "Did you go see the new Michael Jackson movie?"

GUY: "Who plays Michael?"

Crazy Jason and Gary Gygax

CRAZY JASON: "Do you know Gary Gygax?"

ME: "I know of him...why?"

CRAZY JASON: "Is he from Hungary?

ME: "I'm not sure."

Boyfriend Jeans

You might want to do a google image search on "boyfriend jeans"

These are possibly worse than the Capri scare of 2003-2009.

Deadlier than the (luckily short-lived) Croc infestation of 2008.

-----

Dear Women of all shapes and sizes,

You won't look good in these!

Don't wear them!!

Love,
I AINT NO OPRAH

Dear UNICEF,

Next year please keep your begging mulattos away from my house.

Thank you in advance!

LOVE,
I AINT NO OPRAH.


(I'm probably in trouble for today's post, huh?)