Haircut talk

So I go to get my haircut the other night.

Me and the 'stylist' hit it off.

Here is part of the conversation:

HER: "So you want me to trim your eyebrows?"

ME: "No."

HER: "Your wife will really appreciate it."

ME: "Your husband will appreciate it if you lose about ten pounds."

HER: "I'll trim the eyebrows."

ME: "Okay."

Waiting for Coffee

WIFEY: "What are you doing?"

ME: "I'm waiting for coffee."

WIFEY: "But what are you doing?"

ME: "I'm waiting for coffee."

WIFEY: "What are you doing in HERE?"

ME: "I'm waiting for coffee."

I'll take an iPhone5. Thank you!

Heavy Accent Guy

HEAVY ACCENT GUY: "Heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent?"

ME: "Nope."

HEAVY ACCENT GUY: "Heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent."

ME: "Okay...have a great week! Thank you!"

HEAVY ACCENT GUY: "Heavy-accent."

Hey, Assholes!!

Stop calling it indigo when it's really just blue!!

Memory loss

I'm getting old.

I woke up this morning and couldn't remember if Sylvia was married or single.

How could I not know that?

I was just about to call her.

Then I realized that she died in 1989.

Passive meet Aggressive

So Saturday night me and Wifey are coming home from dinner.

It's about 11:00 pm.

All of a sudden a car flies by me and passes me on the right.

On a single lane road.

I'm FURIOUS!

I press my horn down and speed up.

I keep the horn blaring!

Wifey is nervous.

"ARE YOU NUTS?? THEY COULD KILL US!!" she says.

I keep following them with my horn going. I'm right on their tail.

They finally pull over.

I pull over right behind them.

"DON'T GET OUT OF THE CAR! THEY MIGHT HAVE A GUN OR SOMETHING!" she says.

So I sit there. She's probably right. Why get killed just to prove a point?

They are still sitting in their car.

I decide to just go home.

I pull my car back onto the street.

We slowly drive by them.

Wifey turns her head towards them and gives them the finger.

Repent!

FREAK: "Hi...I'm Mike from Rhode Island and you need repentance." ME: "Hi...I'm {IANO} from {here} and you need to leave my store."

Get Your Rocks in the Attic, Bobo

So I'm doing a project at home and I needed some rocks.

I guessed that I would need about 'three yards' of rock.

Turns out I only needed about 1/2 a yard of rocks.

So now I literally still have a ton of rocks.

That's it.

Nothing else to see.

I got ROCKS!!

Smaht Cah

So last night Wifey and I were eating out at a restaurant.

We sat at the bar.

Two women were next to me and thoughout the night they were amusing us a bit.

Nothing wicked funny or anything...just amusing.

Then DrunkThing #1 dropped her purse.

Everything spilled out...ice was now broken. Wifey and I started to talking to them.

Here is part of the conversation:
DRUNKTHING#1: "...and people always make fun of my stupid Smart Car."

ME: "You have a stupid Smart Car?"

DRUNKTHING#1: "Yes...I love that stupid Smart Car."

ME: "Then why do you call it stupid?"

DRUNKTHING#1: "Because someone stole two pairs of boots out of it."

ME: "Stupid Smart Car."

DRUNKTHING#1: "You must think I'm a whore."

ME: "Stupid Smart Car."

Clint Eastwood just TALKED to the invisible President...

Origami for Cake