Joey Shell is a douchebag

So I'm at the SHELL gas station yesterday and hear an announcement over the gas stations PA system notifying me and everyone else that air is free and all I have to do is ask.

What if I don't ask? I now need permission from Shell Oil Corp for free air? I don't think so.

I just kept breathing. Screw them.

And I'm not making this up....on the window was a banner proclaiming FREE AIR FRESHENER with purchase of 8 gallons of gas. So the free air they were offering before didn't smell good? Now why on earth would I want stinky air? Even if it's FREE it doesn't seem like something I'd want. The only time I'd want free stinky air is if I was bolted to a hunk of coral reef or something.

And I'm not making this up (channeling Dave Barry)...on the window of said gas station was another sign proclaiming FREE POPCORN with 8 Gallon purchase of gas. So this generous gas station was offering me free smelly air, free air freshener for their stinky air, and now free popcorn. Their entire offering of free stuff cost them 2 cents. And I have the privilege of paying $3.07 cents for a gallon of gas.

And why would I need their "FREE AIR FRESHENER" if I had their "FREE POPCORN"....Popcorn makes everything smell better.

Except brownies. Brownies smell wonderful without gas, without free air fresheners, and without free popcorn. Though I'm guessing popcorn baked inside of a brownie would as close to heaven as most of us will get.

I now want a brownie, some fried chicken, and maybe a Jack in the Box taco. And a soft pretzel.