Happy New Year and those banned word lists

Have you seen those banned word lists?

People think they are clever by 'banning' popular words or phrases that get overused.

Whatever!

Spoiler Alert!

Fiscal Cliff!

Poor Newtown!

etc etc etc


I think we should do the opposite.

We should overuse certain words or phrases.

Or something.

RIP General Norman Schwarzkopf

Thank you.

To the person that posted that picture of a single burning candle on Facebook.

It magically brought those twenty Sandy Hook kids back to life.

Worthless Toys

So two women just came in my shop.

One of them started looking through a bin of Beanie Babies (tm)

The other one speaks up.

BROAD: "Don't buy those...they are worthless."

---

She then proceeded to buy a wallet made from Tyvek (tm)....the crap they use to make Federal Express envelopes.

I'm sure it will be worth a lot in the near future.

-----

I wish Beanie Babies were made of Tyvek.

Now I'm thinking about Vic Tayback.

I'm not sure why.

The Joe Biden Task Force

So it's a week after L'il Columbine and President Obama has decided to appoint Joe Biden to head up a 'Task Force' to study gun violence and to report back to him next month.

I'm not making that up.

Joe Biden has a Task Force.

Joe Biden's Task Force.

Let's take a look at a few of the early meetings of Joe Biden's Task Force.

-----

BOB: "So...ummmm....what should we do?"

JOE BIDEN: "Well, I have a Task Force. First off we're gonna need a snappy logo."

BOB: "Skull and crossbones...maybe a cryptic number...perhaps a few crossed swords. Lightning bolt?"

JOE BIDEN: "Hmmmm....crossed swords. I likey."


------

BOB: "So what now?"

JOE BIDEN: "We'll need some shoulder patches for our jackets. Something to show that we mean BUSINESS!!"

BOB: "Maybe something with skulls? Crossed swords?"

JOE BIDEN: "Hmmmmm....crossed swords. I likey."

-------

BOB: "So what now?"

JOE BIDEN: "We'll need some stationary. For the Task Force."

BOB: "Maybe something with skulls?"

JOE BIDEN: "Let's stick with the crossed swords, Bob."

----

BOB: "So what now?"

JOE BIDEN:  "We'll need hats. Some for in the field...some for dress."

BOB:  "Berets?"

JOE BIDEN: "Yes...with stiched in crossed swords."

--------

BOB: "When do we study gun violence?

JOE BIDEN: "Oh, Bobby-boy...hahahhahahahahahaha.!!"

I'm still gonna wait another day or two.

Just assume that I disagree with everybody on Facebook about it.

And it wasn't really Morgan Freeman posting that.

And the Mom wasn't a teacher at the school.

And the shooter either used a handgun or a rifle depending on where you get your news.

And don't send sympathy cards to the school.

Republicans and Democrats both have guns. So do Canadians.

I don't care that the mom landscaped her backyard.

Or that she was 'flirty' in bars. (that's what one media outlet reported....it must be true)

Or that the Dad of the shooter drove a Mini-Cooper(tm)

And don't tell me not to remember the name of the shooter. I'll do what I want.

Don't tell me that you 'cried all day long'. You didn't.

And don't tell me that's all you can think about. You also thought about pizza.

Don't tell me it was a good idea to postpone an episode of Family Guy. I'm guessing the parents didn't want to sit around watching Family Guy anyhow.

Don't open Saturday Night Live with kids singing Silent Night all solemn like. It's a comedy show. Make me laugh.

Don't tell me that the shooter played video games. He was 20 years old. Most 20 year olds play video games. Most 20 year olds don't shoot up schools.

Though I'm guessing he played Dungeons and Dragons....

--------------

Crap...I meant to wait another day or two.

It's too soon.

First the hurricane; then Sandy Hook.

 

 

Be careful, Luke.

Il Duce is a bit oaky

My review of the concert.

Kanye West started "singing" and I went to bed.


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MORE CONCERT COVERAGE

ME: "Do I look older than Bon Jovi?

WIFEY: "No."

ME: "Do I look younger than Bon Jovi?"

WIFEY: "No."

Do you know what's worse than someone telling you about some dream they had?

It's when someone tells you about a car accident they ALMOST had.

This morning I ALMOST got hit by a car.

The other car was being driven by a non-white women (You'll see why it's important what color she was by the end of this blog post)

I was driving down the street when she pulled out of the bank parking lot and almost hit me.

I had to slam on my brakes.

Everything on my passenger seat flew off and crashed to the floor of my car.

I had a can of Pringles on said seat.

About a 1/3 of them are now broken,

Broken Pringles kinda suck.

Dinkweed

Thank God It's Friday

So I'm at the mall last doing "Christmas Shopping" (Buffalo wings and  two beers at TGIF and even a soft pretzel at Auntie Annie's)

I'm barely shopping.

I'm just looking for stupid signs and crap to photograph for the blog.

I stumble upon this in the TGIF window.

Michael J. Noseworthy is definitely Micheal J. Blogworthy.

Bricks don't lie

So I get to work today and I start walking around to the front.

 

It seems that someone left you a message on the brick..

 





Bill Cosby singing (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

Hero of the Day.

So last night Wifey and I were at the mall when we spot this small asian girl (it's important to the story that she is asian) walking around the food court area.

Wifey says: "That kid can't find her mother!"

Of course Wifey just sits there.

I spring to action!

I start following the little girl.

I dont want to touch her or scare her.

She starts frantically looking around.

Wifey was right. She's lost and now she's crying looking for her Mom!

I'm not really sure what to do.

So I just keep a few steps back making sure nobody snags her.

Then another woman spots what's going on and joins me.

After about tens seconds the mother of the child runs towards her daughter, picks her up, and hugs her!

All is well.

So I start walking back to Wifey.

The woman that helped me says: "That was really of nice of you to help find her mother."

ME: "Thank you...it's a great way to meet chicks."