Sunday, September 30, 2012

Haircut talk

So I go to get my haircut the other night.

Me and the 'stylist' hit it off.

Here is part of the conversation:

HER: "So you want me to trim your eyebrows?"

ME: "No."

HER: "Your wife will really appreciate it."

ME: "Your husband will appreciate it if you lose about ten pounds."

HER: "I'll trim the eyebrows."

ME: "Okay."

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Waiting for Coffee

WIFEY: "What are you doing?"

ME: "I'm waiting for coffee."

WIFEY: "But what are you doing?"

ME: "I'm waiting for coffee."

WIFEY: "What are you doing in HERE?"

ME: "I'm waiting for coffee."

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Heavy Accent Guy

HEAVY ACCENT GUY: "Heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent?"

ME: "Nope."

HEAVY ACCENT GUY: "Heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent-heavyaccent."

ME: "Okay...have a great week! Thank you!"

HEAVY ACCENT GUY: "Heavy-accent."

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Friday, September 21, 2012

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Memory loss

I'm getting old.

I woke up this morning and couldn't remember if Sylvia was married or single.

How could I not know that?

I was just about to call her.

Then I realized that she died in 1989.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Monday, September 17, 2012

Passive meet Aggressive

So Saturday night me and Wifey are coming home from dinner.

It's about 11:00 pm.

All of a sudden a car flies by me and passes me on the right.

On a single lane road.


I press my horn down and speed up.

I keep the horn blaring!

Wifey is nervous.


I keep following them with my horn going. I'm right on their tail.

They finally pull over.

I pull over right behind them.


So I sit there. She's probably right. Why get killed just to prove a point?

They are still sitting in their car.

I decide to just go home.

I pull my car back onto the street.

We slowly drive by them.

Wifey turns her head towards them and gives them the finger.

Thursday, September 13, 2012


FREAK: "Hi...I'm Mike from Rhode Island and you need repentance." ME: "Hi...I'm {IANO} from {here} and you need to leave my store."

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Get Your Rocks in the Attic, Bobo

So I'm doing a project at home and I needed some rocks.

I guessed that I would need about 'three yards' of rock.

Turns out I only needed about 1/2 a yard of rocks.

So now I literally still have a ton of rocks.

That's it.

Nothing else to see.

I got ROCKS!!

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Smaht Cah

So last night Wifey and I were eating out at a restaurant.

We sat at the bar.

Two women were next to me and thoughout the night they were amusing us a bit.

Nothing wicked funny or anything...just amusing.

Then DrunkThing #1 dropped her purse.

Everything spilled was now broken. Wifey and I started to talking to them.

Here is part of the conversation:
DRUNKTHING#1: "...and people always make fun of my stupid Smart Car."

ME: "You have a stupid Smart Car?"

DRUNKTHING#1: "Yes...I love that stupid Smart Car."

ME: "Then why do you call it stupid?"

DRUNKTHING#1: "Because someone stole two pairs of boots out of it."

ME: "Stupid Smart Car."

DRUNKTHING#1: "You must think I'm a whore."

ME: "Stupid Smart Car."