Kate Winslet's nipples.

 

So we watched the movie THE READER last night.

 

Here is the conversation this morning:

 

 

ME: "Do you think Kate Winslet is attractive?"

 

WIFEY: "Yes, but I don't like her nipples."

 

ME: "What's wrong with her nipples?"

 

WIFEY: "They're kinda black."

 

---

 

 

You'll have to google to see Kate Winslet's nipples...or watch the movie.

 

Or start dating her.

 

Or something.

Cah Wahshhh

 

So yesterday I pull up to the gas station/car wash and I fill up my tank with ethyl.

 

The sexy computer voice at the pump asks if I'd like a car wash today.

 

I push the button that says yes.

 

I love having a clean car in the middle of winter.

 

So I get back in car with my car wash code in hand and drive around to the car wash.

 

The sign says:

 

Car Wash Closed Today.

 

(It was wicked cold out)

 

 

THEN DON'T ASK ME IF I WANT A CAR WASH IF IT'S CLOSED, SEXY COMPUTER VOICE BITCH!

Stupid Bugles

 

 

So the other day Wifey asks me what I want at the grocery store.

 

Ice cream, Bugles, and Cheese Puffs I tell her.

 

Here is the conversation when I got home.

 

WIFEY: "I got your stupid Bugles."

 

ME: "They're not 'stupid' Bugles!"

 

WIFEY: "They are."

 

ME: "Did you get your stupid capers and stupid V-8 juice?"

 

WIFEY:  "Your stupid Bugles are bad for you!"

 

ME: "Bugles ain't bad for me! They are made from corn."

 

WIFEY:  "You're stupid."

 

ME: "You are."

 

WIFEY: "You are."

 

ME: "You are."

The Elephant in the Room

 

Lots of news reports this week about Michelle Obama and her new haircut.

 

SHE HAS BANGS!

 

She is a stylish first lady!

 

She's brought glamour back to the White House!

 

A trend-setting First Lady!!

 

 

----

 

Let's cut thru the crap...she is a large (almost fat) beast of a woman.

 

Her face is wicked ugly.

 

She is a behemoth.

 

 

Though I have to agree about something...

 

 

She has bangs!!

NO PARKING ZONE

ME: "Hey buddy...you can't park there!"

HIM: "Yes I can...just not legally."

ME: "Nice!"

Today I review LINCOLN.

1) I was going to go to sleep in the theatre but I didn't want my snoring to wake up the other movie-goers.


2) I was praying that there was an assassin in the theatre and that he would shoot ME!


3) There was too much butter on my popcorn.


4) Nothing for #4


(Lincoln blows)

(Daniel Day-Lewis was pretty good)

(The wheelbarrow full of body parts was the best part of the movie)