I'm not Catholic but I love breaking their rules.
1. I've coveted my neighbor's kite.
2. I've eaten cheese on Tuesday
3. I once said 4 Hail Marys in my 'retard' voice
4. I once said 4 Heil Marys in my Hitler voice
5. I once went fishing on a day other than Friday
6. I once went a week with out drinking alcohol
7.I once (a whole bunch of times) voted against Ted Kennedy
8. I once refused to keep standing up and sitting down and mumbling something incoherent after the priest said something equally incoherent for no particular reason at church.
9. I've never given up anything on lent nor will I ever. I'm eaten' pizza while you chowderheads are starving. Losers.
Footnote:
Pound for pound Catholics are the most insane of all religions. It's true. Look it up on
www.I'm GladIAintCatholicCuzTheyAreCrazy.com
Thursday, July 20, 2006
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I joined a nunnery once but I couldn't handle the vow of silence.
And the experience left me with some really bad habits.
And I mean really bad. Itchy, woolen, and completely shapeless...
Oh, and I take the Lord's name in vain all the goddamn time.
The Sisters didn't like that, either.
What a coincidence. I joined a nunnery too! But those uptight chicks kept getting upset when my husband came by for conjugal visits.
I notice you didn't say that you broke the commandment about molesting children on days that end in "y"... should I be worried?
You're SUPPOSED to say your "Hail Mary's" in your retard voice-that way Mary thinks you really are retarded and therefore not responsible for your sins.
I just hope you took the short bus to school though-Mary checks up on things like that.
He locked his moped to a bush, wrecked his hands swinging off a flagpole rope, spent several hundred dollars on tacos, handled a soiled maxi-pad, and hangs out with a guy who dropped $120 on a comb.
He's a nice guy and all but...is there really any doubt he took the short bus to school?
Cake,
Awesome. Even the serene "Virgin" Mary couldn't question THOSE credentials.
But let's not forget-he votes Republican. And I'm afraid THAT'S the issue he'll have to explain in the hereafter when he comes face to face with union boss St. Peter at the AFL-CIO Pearly Gates.
Or else St. Peter will just take that as further proof that he's retarded...ha!
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