Possibly the best dog poop story ever.

So around four in the morning my puppy wakes me up.

She needs to go outside.

Outside is actually my garage. And outside means poop.

My puppy is tiny and just needs a small amout of area to poop on.

We carpet that area with newspapers.

So pup squats and leaves a little tootsie roll sized poop.

I grab some toilet paper and pick it up.

It's four in the morning. I'm tired. It's cold in the garage.

She squats again. Another tootsie roll. I pick it up.

Using toilet paper.

She squats again.

I reach down to pick it up. (with a hand full of toilet paper)

I feel nothing.

I clearly saw the poop she left.

I adjust my eyes.

No poop.

Where is the poop??

It's not on me. It's not on my feet.

I didn't pick it up. Puppy didn't eat it.

I look again.

And there on the newspaper I spot the 'poop'.

Turns out the 'poop' in question was actually just a small picture of Obama on the newspaper.

True story.

----

SO TO SUM UP:

It was four in the morning and my dog was doing racial jokes.

Tom Jones goes NUTS at the 1:20 mark!

(Thanks to Johnny C for showing me this)

The Rolling Stones shreds

KISS shreds.

J.D. Salinger RIP

The following was in his obit this morning:

'Salinger's alleged adoration of children apparently did not extend to his own. In 2000, daughter Margaret Salinger's "Dreamcatcher" portrayed the writer as an unpleasant recluse who drank his own urine and spoke in tongues.'

----

Just being an unpleasant recluse would be cool enough.

Drinking my own urine? Speaking in tongues?

I salute you JD Salinger!!

(And now I want a pastrami on rye! With mustard)

Denise Richards Speaks!

Seems Charlie Sheen got in trouble with his wife over Christmas.

So this brought out former wife Denise Richards.

She claims Charlie never hit her.

But he did 'verbally abuse' her.

Poor widdle baby.

Poor widdle Denise got 'verbally abused'

Welcome to my world, Denise.

(Skank)

A gift from the lovely Cake

Our friend Cake made this.

It's chock full of inside jokes.

If you're not a regular around these parts I suggest you go do something else.

You are a regular? Then spend the three plus minutes and watch Hitler.

I know, I know...three minute YouTubes are forever.

Watch it anyhow.

I never got used to Candy. RIP Trapper.

Even Nazis Are Good People. Sometimes.

SIEG HIGHWAY!

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/01/24/ap/strange/main6137635.shtml?tag=cbsnewsSectionContent.13

Forrest Gump has sold more tickets than Avatar.

So has Home Alone and Grease. And Ben-Hur. The Excorcist.

And a bunch of other movies.

So don't give me this crap about Avatar being the biggest movie (or soon to be) of all time. It's just made more money because ticket prices are way higher.

I'm sure Avatar is good.

But as good as Home Alone?

I think not.

30 Rock visits beautiful Waltham

RIP Jean Simmons

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/01/23/entertainment/main6133019.shtml?tag=stack

Dear Barista,

You pour coffee.

Possibly even well.

But I think I'll just call you Barry.


Love,
I AINT NO OPRAH

My family was crushed to death under a mountain of rubble in Haiti and all I got was....

John Edwards in Haiti

(CBSNEWS.COM) -Former presidential candidate John Edwards, in the news today for his admission that he was the father of Rielle Hunter's daughter, is now in Haiti helping with earthquake relief efforts.

He hopes to impregnate numerous light-skinned survivors.

Reason #23 why Martha Coakley lost the election.

She looks too much like David Bowie and people really only like her Ziggy Stardust persona.

Reason #74 why Martha Coakley lost

She looks too much like Sheldon.

How Martha Coakley could have won (Number one in a series)

Collagen.

Nobody wants a broad in the Senate with pencil thin lips.

Taco Bell Founder Dies at Age 86

His last name was Bell.

Really.

I never knew that.

(I wonder how Jack Box is doing?)

Please help the children of Haiti.

These Haitian people have been devastated.

Especially the children.

They're hungry. Hurt. Hot.

Thirsty.

And all of their toys are gone.

Please pick from the following and send to:

Haiti
c/o Hades on Earth
Near where the Earthquake was.
91311


Thank you.