So a few years back I was going to Walt Disney World (the 7th happiest place on earth) and needed something to swim in. Went down to the local mall and found this pair of teal green swim shorts ( trunks? suit?) and headed down south.
Typhoon Lagoon? The hotel pool? Blizzard Beach? Where should I swim?
Blizzard Beach was the choice. Huge water park with giant slides, wave pools, and all that kinda stuff. Jammed packed with not the most attractive people in America.
I'm going down the slides, floating slowly in innertubes down lazy winding rivers, burning my skin to a crisp...you know, having fun... when all of a sudden I notice all the ladies looking at me. They've probably never been so close to perfection in their lives. I'm digging the attention. I'm striking poses. Then I notice all the men looking at me. (UH-OH) And the kids (crap)
I quickly check my fly to see if I'm exposed...I aint. But flowing down my leg is massive amounts of teal dye from my new swim togs. I HAVE TEAL GREEN LEGS!!! I AM A DORK!!! A TEAL COLORED SKINNY SUNBURNED IDIOT!!!
No matter how cool I really am there is no way to translate it to the thousands of people at Blizzard Beach. I rush to the lockers and put on my jeans.
I read the tag on the inside of my teal green swim shorts: WASH BEFORE WEARING.
It took about three days for me to get the dye off my legs and other things.
Moral of the story?
Never ever go swimming at Blizzard Beach while other people are there.
PS:
About a year or so later I had to have surgery on my leg and the doctor told me to wear shorts during the operation. I slipped into my Teal Fighting Suit. They ended up soaked in blood. Someday I'll make up a neat story about how I got all bloody at Typhoon Lagoon.
Monday, July 31, 2006
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14 comments:
Everyone knows you always wash clothes before wearing them.
Tealloser.
This story reminds me of the time when I was riding in a limo and I ended up with blood, hair, and brains on my pink suit. So embarrassing! Love and kisses, JKO
you must have looked like a skinny, femme hulk
Dear Melvin Metrosexual,
You KNOW that the name of that particular hue is "teal"?
Isn't it time for your pedicure?
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Cheerio!
On Saturday he said he thought Derek Jeter was dreamy.
Make of that what you will.
Yeah Sparkle!
You practically took the words out of my mouth! Teal???? Real men don't wear "teal," and if they do, they think it's green.
Only Primary Colors allowed nooprah.
Did I mention it was a TealTankini?
A thong TealTikini?
So let's see what we've got here; a sunburnt Republican with green-stained legs, wearing teal-colored thong bikini briefs.
I didn't really need that particular mental image, Momenger.
And apparently that drove everyone else off.
Funny!
Real men most assuredly do not wear teal, Momenger, and yer right, your Royal Cakiness! NOTHING gets me on my Huffy banana seat bike (teal racing stripes) and drives me off faster than "a sunburnt Republican with green-stained legs, wearing teal-colored thong bikini briefs."
Except, perhaps, J. Edgar Hoover in a puce and heliotrope tankini.
Hoagy wouldnt wear teal
FYI:
I'm sure you'll be first in line to buy Derek Jeter's new line of "mens" products, including a "fragrance."
Maybe the bottle will be teal.
You dress for surgery?
You choose a wardrobe?
What kind of pansy hospitals you got down there?
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