Today's blog was going to be about pirates and bears but then I went into the post office.
The guy in front of me bought one stamp. One. Stamp. Is his life so bad that this stamp is going to be the last one he'll ever need? Is he going to his room, writing his suicide note, addressing it, placing the stamp on envelope, and then blasting his brains out?
Or does he only have .39 cents?
If he only has .39 cents shouldn't he blast his brains out?
If I see him in line again...only buying one stamp....may I blast his brains out?
It just must suck so bad when you've reached the depths this guy has that you know you only need one more stamp. I wonder what I'll use my last stamp on?
(I sometimes buy stamps just to lick the backs of them. Or stick 'em on my nose or something.)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
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33 comments:
He probably has papyrophobia and therefore writes as few letters as possible.
I think it's very unfair that you keep teasing us with the promise of pirates and bears. I expect to see a "Johnny Depp fighting polar bears" post tomorrow, kind sir.
Good day!
Why would Johnny Depp FIGHT the bears when they're on his team?
You broads are nuts and know nothing about bears and pirates.
You're insane. I'd never fight on the side of the bears.
If you're only buying one stamp, wouldn't you bring the letter that you want to mail WITH YOU to the POST OFFICE?
Did he really buy one stamp, and leave with it? Maybe he really is going to put it on a suicide note and blow his brains out...but if you were about to blow your brains out, wouldn't you splurge on a whole book of stamps? Maybe even pony up the dough for UPS or FedEx...
Man, if you were gonna send a suicide note, you would at least want it to go as registered mail so you could be sure it got there... right?
Lick it?
Lick the polar bear? Ewww, you'd get a mouthful of damp fur!
"What would you do then tough guy?"
Uh...he'd blog about it?
If I ran into a bear dressed as a pirate you think I'd blog about it??
You don't think more exciting things happen to me that I'd blog about instead??
Keep in mind today I ran into a guy at the POST OFFICE buying a STAMP...it doesn't get more blog-worthy than that.
"You don't think more exciting things happen to me that I'd blog about instead??"
You know, you take all the fun out of it when you take the shots at yourself, yourself.
Damn you!
"Keep in mind today I ran into a guy at the POST OFFICE buying a STAMP...it doesn't get more blog-worthy than that. "
Now I can't stop laughing...That's too funny...Why the hell do I come to this foolish blog every goddamn day? What is wrong with you people? What is wrong with ME?!?!
I still can't stop laughing.
1 down...299,999,999 to go.
people, or condoms?
Depending how he answers that, we could be into "too much information" territory...
only NOW do you think we getting to the too much info point???
Still crackin up over here...
"buying a STAMP"
BAHAHAHWHAHWAHWHAWHW!!!!
Hey Nooprah,
Do you have .39 cents I could borrow?
I don't lend money to bloggers.
Can I just have $0.39, then?
I don't give money to losers.
Cake...
I believe we were just called losers.
And by someone who can't even figure out how to write a piece that incorporates both Bears and Pirates.
Jeeze. And WE'RE losers?
Oh, I'm sorry...you're obviously confused about who was asking.
It was me, Cake, asking!
So...$0.39?
Bemisdown:
Good point.
Plus we have to take into account exactly who was calling us losers...I mean, it's NoOprah. Prime loser material, himself.
I was calling Cake a loser...I called Bemisdown a blogger.
Just for the record.
Would a pirate buy a stamp at the Post ARRRfice?
Excuse me for a minute while I write out a check for .22 cents for a post card stamp and then go blast my brains out.
Survival Tip: If a pirate advances on you in the wilderness, pull your white, pirate "poofy shirt" up over your head. This will make you look like a big, scary, headless Alpha pirate. That will confuse the pirate, he will scratch himself on the head with his hook in bemusement, and you will have time to run away.
Or: Stick one (1) 39 cent stamp on your face and pretend to be a first-class envelope.
That was what that guy in the post office was up to: Buying one (1) 39 cent stamp in case he encountered a pirate in the wilderness.
If you encounter a bear on a pirate ship, I'd stop taking the meds.
Sparkle,
A 39 cent stamp will not get you ANYWHERE First Class. You need to go the Priority Mail Route, complete with tracking.
Of course, you could do Certified Mail with Insurance, but you've gotta cough up for those kinds of frills.
Nooprah with a 39 cent stamp on his nose would just look like a Fast Mail Wannabe.
Excellent points, as always, Bemisdown! As a postscript: I was crushed when a mailman told me they'd officially given up the slogan "Neither rain...nor sleet...nor snow...nor gloom of night shall stay these couriers from blah blah whatever it was." Apparently they only guarantee that they'll fold like a card table in the face of the elements. Sigh.
Did a Limerick just for you Sparkle...quit hanging around here and check your own blog.
::tapping foot impatiently::
Pirates and bears, please. We're waiting...
He's a pirates 'n bears tease.
A pirate named Old Smokey Hollit
Could not bear to open his wallet
For the price of a stamp
So a poor mendicant
Died alone and unnoticed in Nooprah's basement and is causing quite a stench which Mrs.Nooprah thinks is actually coming from Nooprah and, while she thinks Noophra's looks are still pretty acceptable, the smell's getting to disturb her a bit.
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