Ever hear me talk about my Cousin Saul? Have I ever mentioned he's retarded?
He went to see the movie The Departed yesterday and told me he didn't like it and would never see a Marty Scorsee movie again.
Jeez...why didn't you like it Saul? Because of the great acting? The great plot? The snappy dialogue? Maybe you were turned off by the violence in a freakin GANGSTER MOVIE you stupid retahd!
Maybe you were turned off by the swearing in a freakin' GANGSTER MOVIE!!
Too much blood for you sissy-boy? In a GANGSTER MOVIE.
Maybe he hated it because of the awesome soundtrack.
Like I said...he's retarded.
You haven't seen The Departed yet? Here's another hint on just how far down his syndrome of hate has gone...he hated the Shawshank Redemption. He probably hates Field of Dreams also.
Here's a tip....if Cousin Saul hates a movie, there is a good chance you'll like it.
He hates everything. Except cheese. And they don't make many movies about cheese.
Though they should.
PS
I wish I had an ice pick and was jabbing his eyes out.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
45 comments:
In a post about retards, you spelled my name wrong.
I think that just about says it all.
IMDB lists 47 movie titles that include the word "cheese."
Yes, I'm trying to avoid work today.
Let me say that I know "Saul" and would never have guessed at his level of retardation. That movie was great. End of story!
47 Cheese movies? Can you say Marathon?
I am so pissed off at Lois Lane.
I was going to hunt down and list movies in which cheese played a significant plot point... but she knocked the wind right out of those sails.
I'd glower menacingly in her direction, but her old man kicks ass. Even more so than Aquaman.
Hey, Lois, you think you're the only one trying to avoid work around here? Sheesh!
-- Lamont Cranston
I've upset Lamont?
My job here is done.
Wait, wasn't Jack Nicholson in a movie about cheese? "As Gouda As It Gets"
What about "The Cheesing"
oh, and his small role in "Cheesey Rider"
Don't forget Cheddartown.
The Witches of CheeseWick?
The Provolone Always Rings Twice?
Pizza's Honor.
The Wedges of Eastwick?
I heard his nickname was, in fact, 'Monterey Jack'...
I am glad that you have taken Cousin Saul's negative feedback on The Departed so calmly. Imagine: You could have gotten all hincty and sputtery instead!
I am allying myself with Saul in this matter. I have never met a cheese I did not like--particularly when it is wed to a member of the macaroni family and results in a brand name product (i.e., KraftTM Macaroni and Cheese). Other stuff is much more iffy and intermittently pleasing.
Top 10 Gangster names involving pasta and/or cheese:
1) Tony Rigatoni
2) Flinchy "I'm in hot water again" Farfelle
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
I am glad that you have taken Cousin Saul's negative feedback on The Departed so calmly. Imagine: You could have gotten all hincty and sputtery instead!
I am allying myself with Saul in this matter. I have never met a cheese I did not like--particularly when it is wed to a member of the macaroni family and results in a brand name product (i.e., KraftTM Macaroni and Cheese). Other stuff is much more iffy and intermittently pleasing.
Top 10 Gangster names involving pasta and/or cheese:
1) Tony Rigatoni
2) Flinchy "I'm in hot water again" Farfelle
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
SORRY!
Sparkle Plenty Retahded
As gorgonzola as it gets.
Mascarpone Attacks!
Brieman.
One Blue-cheese Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Prizzi's Havarti. (So much better than NoOprah's Pizza's Honor!)
Nooprah (and assorted other bloggers):
Scorsese has been on a roll with Hollywood-pleasing films ...bloated "epics" like The Aviator (starring Leo as a totally unbelievable 16 year-old-looking Howard Hughes) and running times that exceed two and a half hours (no film needs that long if the writing was of any quality), Gangs of New York, which was an interesting story but it was filled with outlandish, over-the-top, cartoon characters, and now, The Departed, filled with a very slow-moving (unnecesarily I might add) plot with characters that were included to be convenient plot points (like the shrink...she was only included to create a plausible ending for the movie), outrageously overdone fake-Boston accents...remember, I'm from the area...these were silly accents...
and again, over-the-top-cartoon characters led by Jack Nicholson's standard eyebrow-arching-crazy guy that he's done to death, Leo's "I've-only-got-one-face-and-it's-my-scrunched-up-eyebrow-face- to-show-I'm-really-distressed" acting. Alec Baldwin had some funny lines...but they did nothing but add comic relief to a movie that was NOT comic in any way. I did enjoy some of the camera shots that Scorcese used...some were interesting. The cursing went WAY beyond anything that resembled real-life...it took it to an absurd level...especially Mark Walberg...his character was ridiculous. The soundtrack was just a collection of unrelated songs from various artists from the 1960s-1990s. No apparent reason for all of them to be included in this film other than at one point Nicholson comments about John Lennon. None seemed to add anything atmospherically to the film. Just random music (although it was great music). Understand...I LOVED Good Fellas...it was interesting, violent, profane...but it was realistic and believable! Just because a movie like The Departed is based on a fictional story, it still should have been believable and realistic. It was NOT. I was a fan of Scorsese's work in the past...but his recent work has left me so unsatisfied that I will no longer spend my money to see these films at a theater. I'll wait until they can be rented for $1.00 I urge movie-goers to make up their minds on their own. Don't like films just because of the "critics."
Now I want to jab your eyes out even more.
With an ice pick.
And then stuff the empty eyesockets with cheese.
Did you at least like my cameo?
You didn't like the Shawshank Redemption?
Did you like when I drove Miss Daisy?
The eyebrow shot was uncalled-for. *sobs*
I've lost control!
I wish I had an ice pick.
>>>>Bad News Camemberts<<<
What movie is this a riff on?
"I'm King of the World!"
"I am, right?"
OH...MY...GOSH....I had forgotten all about the RAT! This was quite possibly the most outrageous bit of the whole movie! It reminded me of the bad ending of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest...the part with the indian running across the field with the sound of a tom-tom drum slowly beating in the background! Don't get me wrong...Cuckoo was a GREAT movie...just that ending part was silly. Wait until you see the part at the end of The Departed with the rat...it's so stupid!
You callin' me stupid?
Someone mention rats?
What's it to you?
Well, I hope you're happy, Cousin Saul...you made my dear Ratty cry.
::sob::
Best movie I've ever seen. And now I've got such a crush on that psychiatrist...
Pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd...what's wrong with my accent, Saul?
jack,
yeah...your accent is wicked-freakin'-awesome!
Wicked pissah?
::wipes eyes::
At least I didn't talk in a bad Boston accent.
Hey, is that Kennedy? I didn't know he posted here. Wow, this blog is even cooler than I thought.
especially Mark Walberg...his character was ridiculous...
*sniff* Hold me, rat...
This blog's wicked hot...what with all the talk of ice picks and all.
Oh and I loved The Departed...especially the soundtrack. I liked that every song had one thing in common; they each had the word "Boston" in their lyrics. Very clever.
Ok. I'm completely lost now. So here's a Multiple Choice Question:
We are currently discussing
A. Cheese
B. Gangsta Movies
C. Retards (Cousin Saul)
D. Pasta
E. All of the Above Includining Icepicks in Your Eyes
Smiley Face Stickers for those who get the correct answer.
Bemisdown:
"E."
I think. Maybe. Plus there are rats and celebrities involved, too...for some reason.
Do I get a smiley sticker?
>>>>>Camemberts...Bears...
You gotta say it in French.
Okay, forget it. <<<<<<<<<<<
You do know that we were doing a Jack Nicholson movies and putting cheese in the titles, correct?
Jack wasn't in Bad News Bears...but you knew that, correct?
Sweet, Sweet, Mother of God...you didn't.
Post a Comment