And things I'm NOT thankful for.
Friggin' scallions in mashed potatoes. What braniac came up with this idea?
"Oh...but you can't even taste them"
THEN. STOP. PUTTING. THEM. IN. THERE.
How many times in your life have you heard that..."Oh....but you can't even taste them"
Over and over and over again cooks of the world say that.
STOP. PUTTING. THEM. IN. THERE.
It's either onions or cheese* or celery or green peppers or some other godawful thing.
I DONT WANT THEM IN MY MASHED POTATOES!!
Mashed potatoes should only have gravy and butter and maybe a sprinkle of pepper in them.
ANYTHING ELSE? SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!
Leave the mashed potato alone. It is the perfect mashed food and you just up and ruin it. Going all Emeril on it doesn't improve it.
DO
YOU
UNDERSTAND?
Mashed potatoes equal love.
Mashed potatoes with onions and scallions equal hate.
*(cheese is awesome....just not in mashed potatoes.)
Friday, November 24, 2006
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20 comments:
What I'm NOT thankful for:
1. headaches on Thanksgiving Day...they SUCK!
2. Stupid movies
3. People that do not watch their kids in stores
we don't have mashed potatoes down here...just stuffing
Someone once hid a gummi worm in my mashed potatoes.
It melted, though...so my first forkful of potatoes had this long stringy greenish yellow slime in it.
Much, much worse than scallions (which are pretty bad to start with).
Earlier this year, I co-authored (with a dozen other people) an e-book on cooking a complete Thanksgiving dinner. The goal was to help someone who's never cooked a complete meal of that magnitude to finish the day garlanded with glory, instead of becoming shackled with the Stone Collar of Eternal Family Shame.
On the subject of mashed potatoes, I was the sensible voice of moderation. One faction kept coming up with insanely-elaborate recipes involving heavy cream and exotic spices and steps such as "Allow the tubers to rest for a minimum of 80 minutes." Others insisted that instant potatoes from a box were just fina.
I was forced to unslip the iron hand from its velvet glove.
"Nobody gives a damn -- check that; nobody gives a good goddamn -- about Extra Special Mashed Potatoes. You get 98 points out of 100 just for putting decent mashed potatoes on the table. Why spend three hours and $90 chasing those final two?
"As for you sub-cromosomal idiots who evidently lost your taste buds in the Great War: real mashed potatoes is a three-step recipe involving just three words of a single syllable each. Peel. Boil. Mash. If you expect that our target reader can't handle that, then how the bloody hell did they manage to find and download this book?"
As for my own family Thanksgiving, Sis whipped the potatoes with milk until they reached a gruelish consistency. Not for all the tea in Canada would I offend a beloved sibling, so I merely ate a couple of ceremonial forkfuls and slipped the rest to the dog.
But if not for the blood relation: a talking-to would have needed to have taken place before she was allowed to retain the venue-selection for 2007.
Andy knows what I'm talkin' about.
NoOprah,
Scallions in Mashed Potatoes? Illegal.
Along with anything "sweet," like raisins, in turkey stuffing.
It's all just wrong.
bdown is a total babe.. and shes loud.. like.. really loud.
my clumsy mumsi i luv her
Sorry folks....
The under 18 crowd needed to weigh in. Won't happen again!
Hatemonger.
sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of Idaho.
What I am not thankful for: My 84 year old, clueless neighbor who just has to have unnecessary lawn service from 8:00am until 9:20am, leaf blowing her yard (not just a single leaf blowing machine, but an industrial size one attached to a large running diesel truck as four men yelled commands in Portuguese over the obnoxious droning hum).
It wasn't a service, it was an invasion.
Dissenting:
Justice Antonin "Jammy" Scalia
Hello! It's not the day after Thanksgiving anymore, get with the prooooogram.
Settle down Cake. Just because you don't have much to be thankful for in Canada (aside from Montreal strippers and Trailer Park Boys) doesn't mean you can tread on the joy of, or dessention of, our great holiday. ;-)
Bacon Ace:
You forgot poutine and snow in July, eh. Hoser!
Things I'm NOT thankful for
1) Inane conversations.
2) Pepsi (My family is a coca-cola family. In-laws are a pepsi family. F#*k pepsi.)
3) News Stories telling me to not over eat. Are you kidding? Why are you people alive if you take enjoy yourselves every once in a while. Great! You live longer! But your life sucks. Eat a friggin stick of butter wrapped in bacon and realize what you've been missing, you tools.
4) People I don't know asking me if I had a good Thanksgiving. I don't know you. Shut up. (I'm in Wisconsin. People are nice around here. I want to go home.)
FOOTNOTE:
(and no...I do not write with my feet)
The notes from my daughters (Oldest and Favorite) were actually written by my daughters...they were bored and hanging around me, I was writing about mashed potatos....you know how it goes.
And I in no way instructed Oldest Daughter to say I was a "Total Babe..." Although my hair is looking pretty good these days.
Sweet Potatoe Pie warmed with whipped cream on the day after the Day After Thanksgiving......mmmmmmmmmmm
..... licks lips slowly
Yep...I'm finally commenting. I agree, the mashed potatoes sucked. And they were the one thing I looked forward to.
no one could have put it better...mashed potatoes equal love.
yes padre...yes they do
Didn't you look forward to quality time with me?
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