It's really quite simple. Women are bitches.
HUH???!!! What did he just say????
You heard me...... Bitches. Woman are bitches and that's why they don't spit.
You see, spit has a 'bitchy enzyme' in it and women need it to survive. Men don't need it and aint bitchy so we spit it out. Often.
Woman swallow the spit giving them their daily dose of Bitchy.
Now once in while you'll see a woman hock a loogie and you can bet your bitchy boots she'll probably be fairly pleasant the rest of the day.
But as you can probably tell women don't spit much. Cuz they're bitches. Spit-swallowin' bitches.
I aint making this up (I might be). It's science. Spitology.
The more you spit the nicer you are.
But Bitches, just don't do it in front of me. I like ya all girly. Even if ya are bitchy.
(Once in a great while I'll go a week or so without spitting...usually around tax time)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
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25 comments:
Man, tax time came early this year!
::ptooey::
Sure did!
That puts hair on their palms. Or something.
I'd just like to say that I passed on posting a spit/swallow comment because I couldn't figure out how to post it tastefully (pun intended).
But I was secretly hoping someone else would post it...so PDN is my hero of the day!
::Lois does spit take onto computer::
What????
I'm not supposed to spit?
Damn.
This *completely* messes up my Wednesday afternoon routine.
Phil Donahue's Niece is the spittin' image of Madame Curie...leading us deep into the realm of scientific inquiry! But, I'm confused by something.
Let me put on my Mr. Peabody glasses and further the cause. The substance in question has 5-7 calories and contains: swimmers, fructose, water, vitamin C, citric acid, enzymes, protein, phosphate and bicarbonate buffers, and zinc. So, those are the magic non-bitchy ingredients.
BUT, here's the puzzler: Very few women swallow, and the majority of gay men DO swallow. So, how can it be that many gay men are much bitchier than women? I'm STUMPED. Plus, I have to go shave my palms again.
Sparkle:
First off, I want to see a source for your research. Numbers AND methodology.
Second: "Swimmers"? You mean like, uh, Mark Spitz?
Finally: Your list of ingredients, while doubtless true, reads like it should have come from a cough drop label. Has Vick's been having a little joke at our expense all these years?
-- Lamont Cranston
Okay, so spitting is out.
What about gargling?
Gargling?! You folks are pretty kinky down there.
(Are we trying to see how badly we can derail the original blog...or how many people we can offend...or both?)
"...kinky down there."
You mean in Massachusetts, right?
Oh yeah baby, we're bringing back sexy down here in New England, that's for sure.
HA! Yes, in Massachusetts...but I should maybe choose my words more carefully given the, ummm, southerly direction today's blog has taken, huh.
Lamont: 1) Google. 2) As I recall, that particular Mark Swallows and does not Spitz. 3) Yes!
Lois: Only if you gargle "Jingle Bells."
Cakey: I don't think that any place where people wear amorphous fleecey flak jackets for 11 months per year can be that kinky...Let's talk about our dreamy winter coats! Derail...derail...
Quick! Someone get this back on track!
Um....do dolphins spit?
Only when they chew tobacco.
So male and female dolphins both spit? Or only males? And do female dolphins get bitchy if they don't spit??
We're raising more questions than we're answering, here, people.
this was about spitting...like ballplayers do.
Bunch of Mr. Dirty Mouths.
Sparkle,
Here's the answer to the gay men conundrum (I just wanted to use that word-probably spelled it wrong): Since they're sorta girly but not really girls, they don't produce the same spitting enzymes as actual girls but do have the same bitch hormones.
The real question here is "Why do we call them "Gay" when they're so dam bitchy?
Sincerely,
A Noted Expert on Bitchy Gay Men
Nooprah,
You're secretly happy there's a "swallowing" discussion going on here.
NoOprah:
I'm sure there's a joke to be had there about baseball players spitting, catchers, and balls...
But I'm not going to make it.
Sincerely and innocently,
Cake
Underwater, no one can hear you spit.
I notice not one guy made a comment today.
Or is 'Lamont' a dude?
Aquaman is a dude?
Thank you for the lowdown, Bemisdown! You're a gentlewoman and a scholar!
"Um....do dolphins spit?"
I'm pretty sure there's a "blow hole" joke in there somewhere.
NoOprah, Dude:
On the Internet, everyone's a hermaphrodite.
-- Lamont Cranston
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