Friday, August 22, 2008

Quick Insanity Theatre




In my business and homelife I encounter odd things each week. Some are job related, some are just because I look for it.

Here are a few from this week:
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THE HOT BIKER CHICK

So this hot young women(mid 20s?) rides her BMX-type bicycle INTO my store. Here is the conversation:

HOT CHICK: "Are you hiring?"

ME: "Nope...not right now, but thank you for asking!"
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THE POST OFFICE NAZI

I bring a standard size envelope up to the counter...it's a tad heavier than a regular piece so I'll need additional postage.

NAZI: "You'll have to pay an extra surcharge of .20 cents because it's too thick."

ME: "Too thick?"

NAZI: "Yes...it's over 1/4" thick and requires the surcharge."

ME: "It's not a 1/4" thick."

NAZI: ::takes out measuring device thingy the post office has for just such an item:: "A 1/4" envelope won't slip through this slot." :: my envelope slips through slot::

ME: "See."

NAZI: "Well it ALMOST doesn't fit."

ME: "But it does, doesn't it?"

NAZI: "You'll still have to pay the surcharge because you put something in the envelope to keep it from bending."

ME: "Do you think you could bend that envelope?"

NAZI: "Yes...but you still have to pay the 20 cents."

ME: "Okay...but please don't bend that envelope."

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THE CIGAR GUY

A guy comes into my store SMOKING A CIGAR! Here is that conversation:

CIGAR GUY: "I can't stay long because of this cigar." :::blabblabblabblabblabblab:::

ME: "Let's finish up this conversation outside."

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THE STRANGELY HOT RUSSIAN COUPLE

So we're out for Buddy Nite last night (me, The Hoag, and The Blonde) and we notice this Russian couple sitting next to us speaking Russian. They're in the early 30s or so.

Not sure how it happens but we start talking to them (In English) and we start showing off with our knowledge of Russia. We say stuff like NYET! And Sputnik! And Gulag! And (Rootin' Tootin') Putin...and talk about Stalin and World War Two and stuff.

Something about the Russian accent on a gal is just very appealing (only a French accent is better)

But I digress.

So the couple leaves.

And The Hoag chimes in with this:

HOAG: "Damn....I should have got her to say MOOSE and SQUIRREL.

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THE BOYS ARE THE BOSTON RED SOX

So the other night I'm sitting in my chair and Wifey is on the couch with the TV remote in her lap. Here is that conversation:

ME: "Why don't you turn on the boys."

WIFEY: "I can't reach from over here."

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And that my friends is another installment of QUICK INSANITY THEATRE!

7 comments:

cake said...

Apparently quick insanity theatre scared everyone away.

Sissies.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

People can't post until you post first.

It's in the settings.

cake said...

AWESOME!

I have a French accent, you know. (I should've led with that.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

You look German.

Anonymous said...

But ultimately, were the boys turned on?

Quick Manny update: Yeah, Manny is tearing up the National League over with the Dodgers. Want some real fun?

Take a look at Jeff Kent's numbers since Manny joined the team. Kent, the Dodger's second baseman, has seen his average jump around 30 points.

How's Ortiz doing these days?

Theo: I need your requests for next week's batch of cookies.

-- Lamont "Thank You, Thank You, Theo Epstein" Cranston

P.S. Just because the Yankees are sucking doesn't mean the Yankees suck.

cake said...

Did IANO just call me a Nazi!?

mulderjoe said...

I love Quick Insanity Theatre. Mostly because I wasn't mentioned.

I can't wait til next Wednesday when I goosestep into your store with my BMX, cigar and recite some lines from "Hunt for Red October".