Friday, August 15, 2008

Yet another adventure at "The Dollar Store"

Earlier this year I swore off dollar stores forever.

Forever is actually about three months.

So anyhow, the other day I needed something and the dollar store had them. A different dollar store I might add then the one I swore off forever.

On their sign outside and on their windows and all throughout the store it proclaimed "EVERYTHING IS A DOLLAR!"

So I brought up six items to the register and held up one of them and asked:

ME: "How much is this?"

MONKEY: "Everything is a dollar."

ME: "Even these?"

MONKEY: "Yup."

ME: ::holding up another item:: "How much is this?"

MONKEY: "That's a dollar also...EVERYTHING is a dollar."

ME: "I notice on the candy bars it says TWO FOR A DOLLAR....How much for just one?"

MONKEY: "Fifty cents for one, two for a dollar."

ME: "So EVERYTHING isn't really a dollar, now is it?"

MONKEY: "It's two for a dollar."

ME: "Can I buy your cash register for a dollar?"

MONKEY: ::Puzzled look:: "The cash register isn't for sale."

ME: "So EVERYTHING isn't really a dollar, now is it?"

MONKEY: "It's not for sale."

ME: "What if I gave you fifty thousand dollars for the cash register...would you sell it?"

MONKEY: "Ummmm....I guess so. I'd have to clear it with the manager first."

ME: "So EVERYTHING isn't really a dollar, now is it?

MONKEY: "You're just teasing me, aren't you?"

ME: "Give me a dollar and I'll tell you."

13 comments:

Lois Lane said...

To sum up:

Everything in the Nerd Shoppe is a dollar today!

cousin saul said...

Your BEST blog in months! Very funny stuff...or something.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Lois,

That was YESTERDAY!

Lois Lane said...

DAMMIT!

I was so excited about Switch Flops I forgot!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Switch Flops are TWO for a dollar.

Anonymous said...

"That was yesterday!"

Isn't that what Republicans say about Election Day, when putting up signs in Democratic areas?

ARE there any Democratic areas in MA?

And -- I have not forgotten, you, IANO.

It's on. Oh yes, it's on.

-- Lamont "Dollar Bill" Cranston

P.S. It's people like you who cause the majority of retail-related homicides in this country.

Anonymous said...

So, what did you buy?

Jayne's Mum

cake said...

Jayne's Mum:

I'm so glad you asked! He bought the following:

- A little plastic toy pistol and holster to wear it on.

- Four candy bars.

- Cheap knock-off Switch Flops!! in camouflage colours.

- An "I LOVE BUSH" bumper sticker.

- Hair ribbons for the next Buddy Night.

You're welcome!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

6 pairs of reading glasses.

I don't need them for actual reading, they just look real good on me.

cake said...

But it was 6 pairs for a dollar so he was able to get everything else, too, once he put two of the candy bars back.

Oh that IANO!

Sparkle Plenty said...

I think the monkey should have given you a good ol' fashioned monkey-thumpin' with a $1 spatula. And then he or she should have charged you exactly $1 for that good ol' fashioned monkey-thumpin'.

not a pervert, honest! said...

"monkey-thumpin'" sounds kinda wrong. Just sayin'.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Monkey-thrashin'? Better? Same?

Monkey-wallopin'? Better? Same?

"The monkey should have preached you a sermon from the Gospel of Monkey Pain?" Better? Same?