Tuesday, December 30, 2008

An actual True Vampire story. And how many people have one of those? Huh?

So we're out on a Buddy Nite two weeks ago (just me and Hoag) and we overhear these three broads at the bar discussing the HBO show TRUE BLOOD.

True Blood is about Vampires. Blood sucking undead.

They keep discussing the show and plot points and favorite vampires etc.

Me and Hoag keep listening.

They keep with the Vampire talk. They're bigtime into it.

So Hoag reaches into his coat pocket and quietly slips in a pair of Vampire fangs he happens to keep with him.

(Why he keeps them with him is beyond me. He also had a banana in his pocket...but I digress)

So he has the Vampire teeth in and the Dames turn around.

Hoag smiles and flashes them a quick glance of his fangs.

Very subtle.

They quickly turned around and their voices hush.

Me and Hoag went back to drinking blood.

Or something.


Cake said...

Now there's a story with some bite...some very sharp writing...

I guess what I'm saying is, fangs a lot for the laughs!

(Okay, sorry, I won't continue in that vein...okay, no, really, I'll stop now cuz I sense it'd be a mi-stake to continue...)

Sparkle Plenty said...

"So Hoag reaches into his coat pocket and quietly slips in a pair of Vampire fangs he happens to keep with him."

I love this.

cousin saul said...

Yeah...but do you love it as much as my recent blog entry? Huh? do ya?

not-really-news said...

Oprah has now gained an additional 185 pounds. In an unrelated story, Oprah Winfrey's longtime boyfriend, Steadman, has not been seen in over a week.

Sparkle Plenty said...

No way, Cousin Saul! In fact, I advise that all IANO readers just skip today's post and head on over to: http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal. Again, for entertainment THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT, head to: http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal.

(P.S. Hoagy totally had the banana in his pocket so he could do the old routine: "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" "It's a banana." Either that or he has a need for constant potassium. Perhaps both.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Sparkle,

I don't think your PS was needed. It's a smart crowd. They 'got it' all by themselves.

Except for the stupid ones.

(I had a roll of dimes in my pocket)

Sparkle Plenty said...

Dear IANO,

You're just shamelessly buttering up your crowd so they won't defect to Cousin Saul--who is giving away free pizza and beer allllll day long on his blog (http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal).

(Was that parenthetical comment re: the roll of dimes REALLY necessary?)


I Ain't No Oprah said...


cousin saul said...

I was "told" that it looked more like 50 cents in dimes.

Cake said...

A roll of dimes, huh.

Oh well, you know what they say...it's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean that counts.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Canadian dimes.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Cousin Saul's blog has rolls of 1964 Kennedy half-dollars in its pockets (http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal).

(Parenthetical comments are stupid.)

(Except for that one.)

(And, uh. This one.)

(And, Cake's earlier one.)

Cake said...

(Is this one stupid?)

Sparkle Plenty said...

(No, that one's a classic.)

Cake said...


A dolt said...

They probably enjoy the Twilight series as well.

David'Z RantZ said...

(I have a true vampire story, but I'm not telling it to any of you. Actually, I told it to Cake, but -- BLOGGER CROSSOVER! -- she forgot it.)

Sparkle Plenty said...

("True vampire story" is oxymoronish. No faith in the fangs without the fangs in my neck is my motto.)

(All mottos are stupid.)

(Especially the ones in parens.)

(Hey! Didn't that moron Damien/Damian think he was a vampire?)

David'Z RantZ said...

"Oxymoronish" or just "moronic?"

Damien was a phony Satanist. I just called the women he was with "the Brides of Dracula."

And what's this about wanting fangs in your neck?

Sparkle Plenty said...


What did Bob Hope say to Bela Lugosi?

YES! "Fangs for the Memories!"

Rats. 10:43 and too much coffee already.