Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year.

First off, I'd wish for three more wishes.

Oh, wait...that's what I'd do with three wishes.

This is the New Year's resolutions post.

But New Year's resolutions are stupid.

But it's even more stupid to make fun of folks doing resolutions.

Yet even more stupid to tell someone what you'd do with three wishes.

I love when people tell you what they'd do with three wishes and the first thing they say is: "I'd wish for a million dollars!"

The smart wishers wish for 2 million dollars.

The super-duper smart wishers wish for more than that.

People that make resolutions are usually fat.

It's true.

I'm not passing judgement on you (you know who you are)'s just a fact.

Thin folks rarely make resolutions. They just do things. Before the New Year.

Did you know gym memberships skyrocket in January?

Did you also know that attendance at gyms is lowest in February?

I wish I owned a gym in January.

Actually I wish I owned three gyms in January.

And had a million dollars. I mean two million dollars.

And three more wishes.

Or something.


Cake said...

Well, how about that...I'm not fat. This is the best New Year's Eve EVER!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I didn't say ALL fat people make resolutions.

I said: Most folks that make resolutions are fat.


(You might want to make a resolution.)

Cake said...

I resolve to kick your sorry butt sometime in 2009.


your irregular mole said...

Yes, I am cancer.

your regular mole said...

Hey! I don't cause cancer! I just like to dig in the ground!

heavy helen said...

I did not have relations with that pastry and I do NOT have any New Year's resolutions. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Captain Caveman!

a snowflake said...

Look at me! I'm all unique! I'm special! There's nothing else quite like me!

Aieee! I'm melting...melting...

A. New Year's Resolution said...

I resolve not to be made.

iano's photoshopped unibrow said...

Thread me! Wax me! Pluck me! Prune me! Weed-wack me!

a wish said...

I wish I had three more of me.

"or something" said...

I work all the time for you people, and I don't get one red cent.

Cake said...

I see the lunatics have been set loose from the asylum in time for New Year's Eve...

beatly resolutions said...

- Twist and Lose Weight
- All You Need's a Gym
- You Know my Name (Look up my Weight)
- New Brown Shoes
- I Want to Stub out Your Cigarette
- Fatty in the Sky with Weightwatchers

cousin saul said...

My New Years resolution is to post more chapters of my blog (like I did the other day)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I'm just glad you ain't paying insurance on that Honda Accord anymore.

That must have made you happy, huh?




Cake said...

Cousin Saul posted more chapters on his blog!? My god!

*runs off madly to read it*

cousin saul said...

Honda Accord?...Honda Accord??!!! Oh...(bawl, sniff, sniff) My boy....oh, my dear baby boy!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I can't believe you've been making up fake stories about your son dying just so folks will read your blog.

Is this what The Internet hath wrought?

bacon ace said...

Happy New Year ya crazy drunk.

Sparkle Plenty said...