Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas, SEARS!
So last night I stepped into a 1972 time warp.
In America we call it SEARS.
I saw colors I didn't even know existed anymore. It was an avocado/harvest gold explosion of bland.
Racks filled with clothes that were never in style.
Racks of clothes that NEVER WILL be in style.
Bins of wrapping paper that you wouldn't wrap fish in.
Brand names nobody has ever heard of.
Even the lights in the store seemed dim.
The customers were a hodgepodge of fat and sweattpants.
Old folks that were old in 1972 were shopping. Slowly. Oldly.
I spotted one obese hairy felon at the 'perfume' counter sniffing from a bottle of something (Craftsman for Ladies? Kenmore for Her!)
A SEARS jewelry counter.
I glanced at the Notions Department.
It was all so sad.
It was all so SEARS.