Dear Bruce Springsteen,

We all know you're playing halftime at the SuperBowl this Sunday.

And we all know that in between each of your songs you like to yap.

And yap some more.

And this year I'm sure you're dying to yap even more at your outrage at the lack of help that the Obama administration and FEMA is giving to the poor folks in Kentucky after the horrible storm that hit them this week. No power! No water! No help!

The Super Bowl is NOT the time or place for you to spout your anti-liberal views!

Shut up! Just sing. (and none of the Nebraska or Tom Joad crap)

Obama has only been in office two weeks...give him a chance!

Happy (Late) Birthday to my pal Clinky

(Idea swiped from Sparkle)

OBAMA + FEMA =0

So there was this huge ice storm in Kentucky this week and millions are without power.

It's nice that Obama and FEMA were Johnny on the Spot and fixed it so quickly.

Oh wait,...they've done nothing.


Doesn't feel so good does it, you Liberal Scum? Does it? Huh? ANSWER ME!!!


I know, I know...it's Bush's fault.

The Screen Actors Guild Awards Show

So the other night me, Wifey, and Oldest are watching the Screen Actors Guild Awards.

(If you ever should live in my house you'll soon find out that you have to watch EVERY award show {except the Tony Awards...we ain't gay) and this past Sunday was no different)

And what happens when watching an awards show at my house is:

1. I make fun of everything.

2. Wifey points out the creepy people.

3. Daughter tells us to be quiet.

4. This past Sunday was no different.

So anyhow the night goes by when all of a sudden I noticed the eerie similar ugliness of Laura Dern and Kyra Sedgwick.

ME: "They should hang out together!"

OLDEST DAUGHTER: "And you should hang out with Ray Barone."

Banned Super Bowl ad from those horny PETA gals.

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

Myself? I'll be dining on delicious Sea Kitten Sticks.

Arizona in a shocker!

Happy New Comics Day!

The Waitress

So the other night I'm out for dinner with Wifey and The Mistress.

We're sitting in the bar area of a restaurant when I spot a waitress I like and she is working in the dining room part.

So I smile and wave to her.

No big deal, correct?

A few minutes later the waitress comes over to where we are sitting and says:

HER: "I just want to thank you for making my night...I was having a terrible night and your wave and smile just cheered me right up! Thank you so much. You're very nice!"

------

So she leaves and I go back talking with Wifey and The Mistress.

Here is that conversation:

ME: "Wow! Nobody ever says anything nice like that to me!"

WIFEY: "That's because you're always a jerk."

-----------

Conversation with the Waiter

WAITER: "Do you have any questions about the menu?"

ME: "Yes....where did you get it printed?"

--------

(sorry....that's all I've got today)

(Bush's fault)

If my daughter has an African-American (Black) baby

I was talking to my oldest daughter last night and she said that she was discussing with her boyfriend what they should name their child if they were blessed with a black one.

They decided on ShhhhQuiet.

(Hey...it's better tham Moesha!)

A new cell phone battery and an old retailer joke.

So the other day I needed a new cell phone battery so I went to the Verizon Store in the mall.

ME: "Hi...do you have a cell phone battery for this?"

SCUM-SUCKING WEASEL: "Let me check....ummmm...yes we do. It's $40.00."

ME: "No thank you!"
-----

So I walked down the mall and found another phone place:

ME: "Hi...do you have a cell phone battery for this?"

DOLT: "They're $50.00 but we don't carry them."

ME: "If you don't carry them why don't you just not carry them at $3.00?"

DOLT: :::blank puzzle genius stare:::

------------

So I walked down the mall some more and found another phone place:

ME: "Hi...do you have a cell phone battery for this?"

TOM: "Yes we do...they are $40.00"

ME: "I'll give you $20.00 but first you have to swear on my child's life that it's brand new."

TOM: "$20 is fine and I SWEAR it's brand new."

ME: "You better not be fucking me."

TOM: "I swear."

-----------

So now we just sit and wait and find out if my kid dies before the battery.

Obama tasers Ted Kennedy!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/20/inauguration.kennedy.collapse/index.html

Michelle Obama

Let's call a sturdy digging tool having a thick handle and a heavy, flat blade that can be pressed into the ground with the foot a sturdy digging tool having a thick handle and a heavy, flat blade that can be pressed into the ground with the foot.

Michelle Obama really isn't good looking.

In fact...she's borderline ugly.

More Historic Happenings..

After Barack was sworn in:

1. The first song played on my radio, at the shop, was The Rolling Stones 'You Can't Always Get What You Want.'

2. First items I sold after he became President was Godzilla DVD and a Mecha Godzilla DVD.

And one simple tear rolled down my cheek....

Historic Day

For a generation or two, people will tell their kids about it.

It will probably never be topped.

Ever.

For it is... Historic Day.

And on Historic Day people will say the word Historic more than it's ever been said since the word was invented (1/28/1716)

And that of course was a very Historic Day.

Historic will trump 'Infrastructure' by 100 to 1.

Historic will trump 'Bush Sucks' by 400 to 1.

Historic will trump 'Hillary is a Rat Faced Whore' by 3 to 1.

Historic will trump 'Whatever' and 'Okay, just a minute' by 250-1 (Even by my kids)

Historic will trump 'Puzzle Genius' by 8000- 1 (even in Crawford, Texas)

Historic will be said so many times today that you will soon forget what it even means.

You will thinks it's spelled wrong.

You will even think it's a gibberish word.

Historic Historic Historic Historic Historic.

You will wonder why folks say 'An Historic Day' instead of 'A Historic Day'

Historic.

In honor of MLKjr.

Obama paints a wall.

Borderline Puzzle Genius.

What Lincoln and Obama don't have in common:

I've been reading how Obama just loves the Abe Lincoln.

I thought I'd share an eerie list of things that in no way connect them.

1. Lincoln was elected in 1860...Obama in 2008. 148 years apart. {Can you say creepy?}

2. Lincoln had a child die while he was in office...neither of Obama's kids are in office. {Freaky!}

3. Lincoln was killed in Ford Theatre. Obama won't be. {Now I'm getting nervous!}

4. Lincoln's secretary was John. Obama's is not Abe. {ghost music}

5. Lincoln has seven letters in it, Obama five or six. {knees be knockin'!}

6. Lincoln's assassin, John Wilkes Booth, was born in 1839. Obama will die of natural causes that were born at the dawn of time. {EERIE!}

7. A staff member of Lincoln named Kennedy told Abe not to go to the theatre....a staff member of Obama named Clinton is a drop dead ugly whore. {I'm freakin' out!!}

8.Lincoln was President during the Civil War. Obama will be President during an uncivil war. Or two. {I'm spooked!}

9. Nothing for #9

10. Lincoln wore a top hat and had a beard. Obama plays basketball. {now I'm downright scared!}