So I'm down at the Ku Klux Klan Korner Kandy Shoppe and here is what I see on the shelves:
1. Chunky 'Ho
2. Bit O' Guinea
3. Massa Goodbar
4. Kit Kat Klan bar
5. (In the halloween display) Candy Coon
6. The 3 Muslimteers bar
7. Sniggers
8. That aint my baby, Ruth!
9. Whatchamacalit, Sucka
10. Niggarageous
11. Pixy Spiks
12. Mulatto Cup
13. (in the hotel mini-bar) TobyLeon
14. Charleston Jew
15. Woppers
16. Jew Jew Fruit
17. Raisin-4FatherlessKidsOnOneWelfareCheck- ettes
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
32 comments:
I can't believe I'm doing this...
Chinklets?
See, now, when NoOprah does this, it is finely crafted Swiftian satire.
But when Cake does it, she's just a racist sow.
By the way, has anyone noticed that "Goobers", "Ike and Mike", "black licorice" and "red licorice" would fit right on those shelves without any modification?
As would the Nestle Hymie Bar.
-- Lamont "Munchy, Crunchy, Chocolatey" Cranston
They have a *very* small natural foods section, in which they sell a few dusty, stale White Power Bars.
Lexiconical Lamont: While I understand that your comment re: cakie is itself neatly-honed satire, I must nonetheless slap you and challenge you to a duel on her behalf. Warning: I fight like a girl. Plus, I plan to throw a hissy fit beforehand. Hold my coffee cup for me, cake.
Myrna "At 10 Paces" Loy
Keeping it anonymous today...
Spear-Chuckles?
Coffee Nips
Dotheads
yeah OK I'm ashamed of myself, but I'm not going to hide my identity:
-"Wop"pers
-Ritz "Crackers"
-All day Suckah
-Cadbury's Mini-gger-eggs
OH NO! Woppers was already done. Oh well, who said racism was intelligent?
-Reese's Peanut Butter Kykes
Whiteman's Samboler
Almond Jew
8th Avenue
-Manifest Destiny Bars (all white chocolate coming soon to an all chocolate counter)
-Raisinettes in the Sun
You get 'em, Myrna! Hit him, hit him! Why are you running? No, wait, come back! I still have your coffee cup!!!
Bugger.
Errr, okay, Lamont, it seems I have to defend my own honour. C'mon, let's go...::boxes the air::
Kike and Ike
TwiKKKs
Myrna, Cake: Don't worry. Lamont fights like a girl too.
Of course, that girl is Bea Arthur, so I'd be careful.
Cotton Patch Kids
Black licorice? (What? Too on the nose?)
Lois:
It was a short fight. I turned the tv on and he was instantly mesmerized by infomercials. I won by default!
Abbadul Zabbadul Atta
Jewbreaker
Myrna:
The White Power bars are for the discriminating palate.
And.. you want a duel? You got it, sister. Why don't we step outside?
Of course, I'm writing this from a submarine. You go first.
Cake:
You do realize that I would have made the same comment (modifying the gender of the pig) for whomever posted first, yes?
And the correct terminologies for licorice are African-American licorice and Indigenous People licorice. Not black and red.
NoOprah: SEVENTH Avenue is the rag trade locale. Not Eighth. Ya schmuck.
Lois: Bea Arthur jokes? That's one girlyman I wouldn't want annoyed with me.
Side note: Bea Arthur's performance at the Pamela Anderson roast blew away all the other comedians. Worth watching for that -- and to see Courtney Love try to steal the show. Arthur kicks ass and takes names.
-- Lamont "KKKavities" Cranston
Pickn Cotton Candy
Jelly Beaners
Porch Monkey Munch
that handbasket's getting kind of full.
1) Cake: Sorry, hon...I was off looking for my nice new dueling gloves and then I saw a puppy and found something shiny and I forgot what I was doing. Myrna "Mind Like Steel Trap" Loy
2) Lois: BEA ARTHUR? Jinkies! Myrna "Yellow Belly" Loy
3) Lamont: Hi, Lamont! You're looking very dapper--may I say debonair--today (bea arthur, oh sweet lord, distract him fast. Check out this puppy!
Myrna "Give Peace a Chance" Loy
Myrna:
Nope. Not gonna distract me with dachshunds. Not gonna do it.
-- Lamont "Instant Karma's Gonna Get Jew" Cranston
All Candy is Racist. It's just another way for "The Man" to keep us down.
Niggo Wafers
$100,000 in Stolen Bling bar.
Oyvey Henry?
Where's your Canada Day post, hmmm? Don't make me send Nort' Countree guy after you...he's pretty scary.
Whe Hai was a chile, Hai loved dese bonbons:
Blackballs (Is hard suck-on candy)
Black Babies (Licorice Jewjubes)
Black Crows (Licorice Jewjubes)
Hai wonder why dey don' make dem no more.
Dey do make still make good petit gateaus, though. Ah, how you say... Little cakes.
The vanilla cake is May West.
The chocolat is Joe Louis.
Post a Comment