Thursday, April 08, 2010

The Masters, Tiger Woods, and Naughty Bits

Today is the first day of Tiger's return to golf.

The Masters.

Probably the most prestigious (snooty) tournament on the PGA tour.

On one hand they need Tiger. On the other hand they wish he stayed in rehab.

This year because of the embarrassment of having Tiger Woods here, they've made a few rule changes for the media and sponsors.

They can no longer say:

'In the rough'

'He shanked it!'

'Those are a couple of nice balls for Tiger!'

'He's in the trap!'

'Nice shaft!'


'Tiger is now approaching the 18th hole'

'He nails it straight down the middle!'

'That bag of his is filled with lots of iron'

'Nice wood!'

'Just Do It!'

'He's workin' up a sweat.'

'What a grip he has on it!'

'He's in total control.'

'The back nine'

'That looks like a good eight or nine inches to the hole'

'OHHHH!! In and out!'

'What a nice slow easy stroke he has.'

'Dipsy-doodle!' (They should make this rule for all sporting events...NEVER SAY DIPSY DOODLE!!!'

'I think he needs a wedge.'

'Looks like he just took out the 9-iron!'

'He needs a sand wedge or a sandwich?' (no idea what this even means)

'Looks like Tiger is about to go down'

'Vi-jay-jay Singh is on top of Tiger!'

'Arnold Palmer? Arnold Palmer? He hardly knows her!'

'And the winner of the 2010 Masters is Tiger Woods!'


Tiger will win the Masters.


Beetles said...

Norwegian Woods

I Wanna Hold Your Putter

When I Shoot Sixty Four

Fixing The 18th Hole

Sparkle Plenty said...

Carl Spackler just told me you can also no longer say: "IT'S IN THE HOLE! IT'S IN THE HOLE!"

But it's okay because when Carl's on his deathbed, he will receive total consciousness. So he's got that goin' for him, which is nice.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Holy cow. Maybe I should rename myself Spackler Plenty in tribute.

paul howley said...

That's what she said.

Cake said...

Dearest IANO:

Re: your sidebar.

Next time use Mick Jagger...eeeeeveryone will get it.


mulderjoe said...

So what were the naughty bits?