Thursday, July 12, 2007

A simple story. A simple solution.

Years ago this gal lived next door to me and we were the best of friends. Always laughing and having fun.

Maybe even a slight crush.

She moved away.

And then one day maybe ten years later I saw her in a restaurant. A bit of small talk.

Here is how it went:

ME: "So how have you been?"


ME: ::gesturing towards her stomach:: "So when's the baby due?"

BECKYJEAN: "I'm not pregnant."

ME: "Oh."

...and I haven't seen her since.

Moral of the story:

If you look like you're pregnant but aint, wear a sign around your neck that says : I AINT PREGNANT.


bacon ace said...

Oooooooo not good man.

I once asked a woman I worked with "when"? Turns out she'd had the baby 3 month prior. That was an awkward walk through the rest of the lobby.

cake said...

Too bad it'd been so long between meetings...the easy comeback from the woman could've been, "Don't worry, you aren't the father. At least, I don't think you are..." as she started counting months on her fingers.

ex mrs bacon ace said...

I pissed off a guy at the gym last year...he told me his wife was expecting and I asked him "is it yours?"

he didn't think it was as funny as I did.

bacon ace said...

The guy who ran my horrible college cafeteria was all ecstatic one day practically jumping up and down exclaiming that his wife was pregnant. I yelled out "Yeah, do you know who the father is?"

His smile instantly turned to a frown, he stopped jumping and slowly walked away. I've never seen someone go from such a high to duch a down that fast. It was almost cartoony.

I was also very satisfied with myself.

Lois Lane said...

Um, okay... This will be my only comment today.

As someone who's been on the receiving end of the "When are you due?" question when she wasn't pregnant (baby weight is hard to lose, friends, especially in the stomach), it's horrible. It makes you feel lousy and even more self conscious about yourself than you probably already do.

So if you aren't absolutely sure someone is pregnant, do everyone a favor and keep your mouth shut.

Yeah, this hit a nerve. Sorry. Off my soapbox now.

bacon ace said...

It was NoOprah that said it wasn't it Lois?

Hey, at least I knew the woman I asked was pregnant and I had known it. I just hadn't seen her in a while. Probably because she was out on maternity leave.

bostongraf said...

I think it is important to point out that NOBODY has said that it is a good idea to ask the "when" question.

In this murderer's row of bastards and offenders, everybody cringes when they idea of incorrectly assuming a woman is pregnant is brought up.

NAACP burying the wrong word? BAH. NoOprah saying that the fourth of july is to memorialize the bombing of the Independance Towers? "Chuckle chuckle" we say!

Incorrectly assume that a woman is pregnant? YIKES! Whoa! can't do that.

And I'm not being sarcastic here. It does just make you cringe to think of doing that. When I was working in retail, I once (twice?) asked "Can I help you, sir?" only to find out it was a chick. THAT was easier than asking the "when" question out of turn.

Fascinating topic, NoOprah.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

All broads look pregnant to me.

There. I said it.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

And keep in mind I hang out with the Hoag, and he looks like a pregnant chick.

bostongraf said...

*sound of crickets chirping*

bostongraf said...

*tumbleweed rolls by*

insensitive Sal said...

>>BOSTONGRAF- in retail, I once (twice?) asked "Can I help you, sir?" only to find out it was a chick.<<<<

Did she look pregnant?

bostongraf said...

[this comment has been self-censored for the health and well-being of the poster]

bacon ace said...

NoOprah's looking a little thick around the middle these days. I wonder...

Anonymous said...

1) Could the sign say, "G'wan! Ask me if I'm pregnant!" with a little punky/piratey skull & crossbones? Just checking out options/artistic latitude here.
2) Okey-dokey. I've heard of Peggy Sues, Norma Jeans, and Ellie Maes. But, BeckyJean? Flummery. Pfui.
3) Ah...You haven't seen her since...until today...when she struts in with her baby carriage-wielding girl gang, led by Tura Satana...Quick! Run! The babies have combs!

Myrna "Pretend You Wear Glasses!" Loy

cake said...

"In this murderer's row of bastards and offenders..."

Hey leave me outta this, I'm completely made of sweetness and light. Oh and sugar and spice, too.

*sucking in stomach*


Anonymous said...

NoOprah's looking a little thick around the middle these days...

too many pancakes.

Anonymous said...

"In this murderer's row of bastards and offenders..." is a great first line of a pulp novel with a dame in a tattered slip-- accessorized by a heaving boo-zum--on the cover.

On second thought, I'd like to hear the "move preview guy" say it: "In a world where this murderer's row of bastards and offenders..."

Thanks, Mr. Graf!

Myrna "Murderer's Moll" Molloy-Loy

Anonymous said...

Movie! Movie preview guy.

Myrna "Where's the White-Out" Loy

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I get secret joy when editors can't edit their posts on bloggger.

I guess my joy aint secret no more, is it?

Anonymous said...

Excuse me. I must go commit hari-kiri with my red pen. On second though, maybe I'll just hang my head in shame for awhile.

Myrna "sigh" Loy

Anonymous said...

Thought. On second thought. Rats. It's red pen hari-kiri for me.

Ghost of Myrna "Aiiiiiiie" Loy

cake said...

"I guess my joy aint secret no more, is it?"

I smell a retahd.

bacon ace said...

It's Friday...

The weather is beautiful...

It's been a while...

Time for another acronym game.