Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Possibly another phone rant.

So the other day I'm on Verizon's website looking at phones and they have this wonerful site.

Easy to browse. Clear cut instructions. Good overview of all phones and service plans. And on and on.

But then they have this feature where you click on the phone you want and it gives the dimensions of said phone and even has a little 3-d like thing where the phone spins around 360 degrees so you can see all the sides of it. Good so far, correct?

Then it has a little thing you click on where you can compare it's size to items you KNOW what the size is.

For example:
They show the phone next to a standard deck of playing cards. Bingo! You know just what that phones size will be in relation to a deck of cards. Good feature to have on a website, correct?

Then they show the same phone next to a pad of Post-It you know what you phones size will be next to a pad of Post-It Notes.


There are dozens and dozens of sizes of pads of Post It Notes. It helps not one iota.

But of course a genius like me just looks at the dimensions of said phone and understands exactly what size of Post-It Notes he needs to buy.


bacon ace said...

Just wow.

Lois Lane said...

You've really got some sort of telephoneophobia working here, don't you?

cake said...

::sticks a post-it note on IANO's forehead: "If I am out wandering alone, please call my family at 1-555-555-5555"::

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Subject has breezed past the rant stage and is entering Verizon Jihad territory. Has noticeable greenish appearance. Might be turning into a kind of MHzible Hulk.

Myrna "Post It? Don't Mind If I Do!" Loy

Anonymous said...

The really nifty thing about Post-it notes is that if you have enough of them, you don't need to use the "memo" feature on your personal digital assistant.

And what's even more nifty is that if you have enough of them, you don't need other clothing or shelter.

Did I mention I don't have a cell phone?

-- Lamont "Inconvenient Paper Cuts" Cranston

Telephonephobe said...

Quit making fun of my pain!!!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Lamont,

Sorry to hear you lost your's probably just on top of the TV.

Anonymous said...

Yaay! Lamont's back! Hmm. No cellphone, no TV. Lamont, are you writing these posts on a hand-crank Rube Goldbergy manual typewriter contraption with an antennae? Be ye a Luddite? (Not a follower of Allen Ludden--the other kind.)

Back to subject observation. Multiple veins throbbing in forehead. Nervous tic. STOP! Don't climb that cellphone tower! Get down! Quick! Send in the Twinkie Wagon!

Myrna "I Use Orange Juice Cans and String--It's Easier" Loy

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Myrna just said *cans*

Anonymous said...

It worked. I got you to stop thinking about phones.

For a second.

Myrna "Your Subliminal Message Goes Here" Loy

I wanna dial Myrnas cans said...

Does a 1 come first?

Anonymous said...

Lamont is a Mennonite, pass it on...

Anonymous said...

Step 1: Deliver the wisecrack: "Why, it depends on what country you're in, Mac!"

Step 2: Run away! Run away! (Monty Python clip-clop noises go here.)

Myrna "Can Lamont Build Us A Barn?" Loy

cake said...

If the Beatles sang about IANO and his telephone woes:

- Everybody's Trying to Drive me Crazy
- Happiness is a Warm Cell
- You're Going to Lose that Call
- Please, Please me Verizon
- Twist and Shout (no edit required)

Lois Lane said...

"Lamont is a Mennonite, pass it on..."

Lamont worships Mentos?????

bostongraf said...

Actually, I happen to agree with NoOprah on this one.

I think he is insane and is off his rocker for caring so much about it.

But he is correct.I have three different sized post-it notes in front of me right now, and two of them have the same HxW ratio.

Rant away, my good man! I got your back!

Anonymous said...

Flee, No Oprah, flee! I just heard that James Earl Jones is coming to open a can of Vaderizon Wireless whoop-ass on you. Whoa! Where'd Bostongraf scoot off to?

Myrna "Hide in the Barn that Lamont Just Built" Loy

Lois: I thought he was into Mennen speed stick, but spelled it funny.

In tribute to Cake:
Here, There, and Out Of Your Calling Plan

post-it notes said...

See if we remind you to pick up milk ever again.

Anonymous said...

More Beatles, 'cause I love that game!

Post-it Note Writer
The Long and Winding Hold
Ticket to Dial

Alas, I'm rotten at it today. Time to "hang it up."

Myrna "Sorry, Wrong Number" Loy

Anonymous said...


Lamont Worships Dementors?


I emboss my posts onto wax tablets, roll ink over said tablets, and then press 'em onto this interWeb thing. So far it's worked out well.

Oh, and it's nice to see that orange juice cans aren't for breakfast anymore.


In the spirit of today's game, I cranked up my Victrola (it goes to 11) and listened to the following:

"With A Little Help from My Friends and Family Network"

"Baby, You're a Switched Plan"

"Carry That Rate"

"Continuing Story of Bungled-Up Bill"

I Want to Hold Your Handset"

"I'm Happy Just To Text With You"

"It Won't Be Long Distance"

"One, Before 909"

"Revolution 1-800"

"Revolution 1-900" (Yes, I know it's the same joke as above. It's also the same song. Just read this one slower and you'll be right in synch with the spirit of the originals)

"Rollover Minutes Beethoven"

"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Bandwidth"

-- Lamont "Butterfield Ate" Cranston

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Nicely done Lamont!

Ha ha! said...

"genius like me"


postitphobe said...

This post made me cry.

Manly Man said...

Suck it up, PostItPhobe! Be a man.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Please Mr. Post-It.

Let It Stick

Why Don't We Do It On A Post-It.

Maxwell's Silver Post-It

Sgt. Post-It's Lonely Notes Club Band

While My Sharpie Gently Seeps

missing hoag said...

Do a blog about Hoagy. We love blogs about Hoagy.

Grizzlies and coons said...

Yeah we miss Hoagy too.

NAACP said...

I thought we buried the 'C' word?

shocked and appalled said...

do you think the naacp accidentally buried hoagy!? he's been awfully quiet lately.

Anonymous said...

You Know My Name (Look up the Number)- no edit necessary

bacon ace said...

*Looks for today's new blog post only to find a busy signal*

Lois Lane said...

Ha! Score one for the Ace of Bacon!