So last night I'm watching the results of the primary voting across the Unites States when all of a sudden it hit me.
It hit me bigtime.
I was stunned. Amazed. I knew what I had to do.
It seems the United States doesn't have any states that begin with the letter B. I'm here to change that.
And not only that....but I'm gonna change who lives in those states and what goes on in those states.
Because I'm in charge. Or something.
1. Bearizona: This will be a great state...but just for bears.
2. Best Virginia: This will be the better of the two Virginias. The Best Virginia. Only the better people will be allowed to live here.
3. Barkansas: This will be a state just for dogs....seems fitting that Hillary Clinton was from here. Be warned....Barkansas will be a noisy state.
4. Blokelahoma: This is where we'll put all transplanted British folk. Toot-toot, bip-bip.
5. Bi-oming: This is where we'll put the gay folk and bi-sexuals. It'll be like San Francisco but not as cool.
6. Boregon: This will be just for the dullards.
7. Balabama-wop-boom-bam: This is where Little Richard will live. Unless he relocates to Bi-oming.
8. Boo Hampshire: This is where all the dead people will 'live'. They will not be happy.
These are just some of my early ideas. I might make all states begin with other letters that are not in use. I'm undecided.
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9. Billinois: Here, you will find people named William. When Hilliary is elected, she will put a tall fence around this state, so no one can get out.
10. Bassachusetts: Yep, it's gonna smell fishy here.
11. Baine: A state for where genetically enhanced Batman villians go to retire. (Only the comic book geeks are gonna get that one, but it's Wednesday, so what the heck.)
Borgia-Will be ruled by a corrupt Spanish Dynasty.
So funny, guys!
Brississippi
State Motto: "You'll leave a changed man."
BOhio
State Motto: "Whaddya MEAN we stink?"
I'd be scared to live in Bashington...though Baryland sounds nice.
Actually, let's change the the spelling, too: Berryland. I like it.
I'll live in Blabama.
Berryland
Capital: Creamchester
Bro'de Island
--All the dudes live there.
--Capital: Hackysackensack
Bah! Laska
Bwah-ha-ha-hawaii!
It's where we live.
My buddy lives here...Bensylvania
Bon-bontana
Bindyana.
This is where my daughter will live.
Bollyfornia.
Deese is de place I like to live.
Belaware.
But only at night...
Brrrrrrrrrmont.
Bans-as is a boring place to live...
Baked Alaska
Bawl-orado, home of the cry babies.
Bans-us
Brawntana: Home of the manliest of men.
All of these manly men vacation there:
http://www.cracked.com/article_14982_9-manliest-names-in-world.html
BENDYANA!!
Bubraska
Bitchconsin
Bitchissippi
Brokelahoma
Brew Mexico
Booziana...road trip to Brew Orleans!
Blousiana...do not forget to pack your loose-fitting shirts!
Blowsiana...wait, that's powdered sugar on the governor's shirt, isn't it?
Browsiana...Dal LaMagna Is King!
Blondetana.
Buddynights are gonna be way fun!
Blissconcin
Bukakefornia
Brollyware
Bufflorida...uh-huh..you see some FINE young fellas in Bufflorida
Baffledorida...who do we vote for? How do we vote? What is voting?
Bifflorida...where sons wait for their anguished salesmen fathers to hurry up and die already
Booklahoma: Ah...the only state run by a librarian!
Bookielahoma: "Pay up or it's your kneecap!"
Dear Steve,
As I know you are a kind and understanding man, I am passing on a letter which was sent to me as it deserves a kind and tactful reply. It reads as follows:
Dear agony aunt,
My husband had an affair seven years ago. He has not worked for the past seven years.
All he does is smokes cigars all day since our daughter left home.
Signed,
Hillary.
Steve, can you help her.
Best Wishes,
from; SWEET LITTLE OLD LADY.
Babe-braska: Full of hot broads!
After I take the whole state over...By oh Ming!
I'd hate to live in Bisqueigan.
Im so glad you left Texas out of this Biasco
Take away the Ala and you've got BAMa, baby!
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