Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Cold Ain't Warming....Smart Guy.

Dear Al Gore,

So why is it so cold out? Huh?

Think you're a smart guy....don't ya? Huh? Smart guy. The planet is warming up. Global warming.

'Fraid not, Tubby. Cuz I'm cold. And cold ain't warming. Tubby.

I'm not even sure what your motive is. Do you own stock in Carrier? Maybe a little Freon Business in Texas? Maybe you're hoping to buy some cheap land at the Arctic Circle when folks move out cuz it's so 'warm'.

The globe is warming. But it's cold. But the warmth is coming...correct? Tubby?


And where did you get your science degree anyhow...Tubby? Were the classrooms warm? And that was good, correct? And the cold is bad, correct? And you're an idiot, correct? And Tubby, correct?

A Tubby, lying, fake scientist. That's what you are. Is that correct? Are you warm or cold?

Ever been to the Arctic Circle? Is it warm?? I think NOT!!! Is the ice melted?? I think NOT!! Are our cities flooded?? Well...maybe a couple of them, but they're down south and nobody much cares.

So To Sum Up:
I'm cold and Al Gore is a tubby idiot.

Or he's correct and we're all gonna die wonderfully warm deaths.


Mike Huckabee said...

It's cold 'cause God left the fridge door open!

Mitt "Mittens" Romney said...

It's cold 'cause Joseph Smith left the fridge door open!

Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon said...

It is not cold.

Bill "Free Willy" Clinton said...

It is colder than a witch's tit--trust me, I know.

Ronny "Jelly Brain" Reagan said...

Where is my monkey?

The Rolling Stones said...

She's so cold.

bacon ace said...

What a drag it is getting cold.

James bond said...

Coldfinger is the man with the frozen midas touch.

Little Lulu said...

Stop picking on Tubby, you bully!

Paul Newman said...

Cold Hand Luke

Walter Matthau said...

Grumpy Cold Men

tommy kirk said...

Cold Yeller.

cousin saul said...

What? You're cold? I don't think I understand...what do you mean? It's 82 degrees out, isn't it? Oh wait...that's the temperature here.

cousin saul said...

I tell ya...I really hope Al Gore is still alive in 30 years when the Nobel prize board realizes how wrong he was and comes and rips his prize away from him because of his man-made-global-warming nonsense! "Nobel" prize winners predicted in the early 1970s that the Earth was cooling...the coming Ice Age...also, for those of us old enough to remember...we were told in the mid-60s that we would be out of oil by the 1990s...hmmmm...seems to be lots of it around at $3.50 a gallon.
Oh no! Look out! An asteroid is about to smash into the Earth!

Summing up Cousin Saul said...

So it's global warming just where you are.

Lucky jerk.

cake said...

What if the Beatles were always goddamn cold?

- Why Don't We Freeze it in the Road
- Lucy in the Sky with Icicles
- All You Need is Gloves
- Baby You're a Cold Man
- Happiness is a Warm Blanket
- The Wrong and Whining Cold

cake said...

Dear Cousin Saul:

::makes a rather rude gesture::*


*Though you can't really tell through the mitten, true.

jed said...

Ah likes the cold. Keeps mah roadkill from spoilin' too quick.

heavy helen said...

I'm never cold. My blubber keeps me toasty all year round!

hungry cannibal said...

I'd swear you said your blubber was "tasty."