Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Stab Your Eyes Out Game.

It's actually called The Politics Game.

And today is Super Tuesday in (the real) America and voters in about 20 states cast their ballots for their choices.

So spin the spinner and move around the board.

If you:

1. Land on Cankles....stab you eyes out. (cankles are that unknown region on Hillary where the ankle ends and the calf begins....it's hard to spot as it just looks like one weird stovepipe)

2. Land on Ronald Reagan...enjoy 8 years of peace and prosperity!

3. Land on Hillary....QUICK! get up before the stank seeps in!

4. Land on Obama...feel good about yourself for a few months and then realize he probably won't get much done.

5. Land on Romney...get a spiffy haircut.

6. Land on McCann...high five everyone around you...except McCann....seems his arm doesn't go up because of the 'torture' he received in Vietnam. Or something.

7. Land on Jimmy Carter...be ineffective for the rest of the game.

8. Land on JFK...bang some hot broads.

9. Land on Bill Clinton...bang some ugly broads.

10. Land on Hillary Clinton again....stab your eyes out!

11. Land on Bob Dole....is he even still alive? Lose tightly gripped pencil.

12. Land on George W. Bush....is he even still alive? Stab your eyes out.

13. Land on something called a Huckabee...move to the next space.

14. Land on Health Care....mock the Clinton's failed health care plan. Stab eyes out.

15. Land on Teddy Kennedy...stab your eyes out.

16. Land on Rudy G....he's America's Mayor! Milk 9/11 for all it's worth.

17. Land on John Kerry....stab eyes out. Once more. Gouge 'em good. Make sure they're out of your skull. Must not take chance of seeing his ugly mug EVER again. Stab eyes one more time. Twice. STABSTABSTAB!

18. Land on Al Gore...ohhhh....he's gotten chubby! Lose meal allowance. Stab eyes out before they heat up the planet.

19. Land on Al Sharpton....stab out Whitey's eyes.

20. Land on Jesse Jackson....ask him how Tito is. Stab eyes out.

21. Land on Adolf Hitler....start thousand year reich. Make it last 12 years. Kill jews, pat puppies. Shoot eyes out in bunker.

And how does one win this game?

Vote the way I'm voting. That's how.

So to sum up:
ABC....Anyone But Hillary. It's my mantra. It should be yours.

(Shake and Bake. El Diablo)


Sparkle Plenty said...

2. I will NOT land on Ronald Reagan...that is icky!
22. Land on Dal LaMagna. Arise poised, refreshed, and with fabulously arched brows! A TweezermanTM in every pot!
23. Land on Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias. Leap up and flee...flee for your life! http://christinabillings.com/
24. Land on Frank Lynch. Frank feels he wasted the first two-thirds of his life as a Republican chasing money, wine, women & song. Climb into Frank's 1999 Ford Taurus Station Wagon and drive around listening to his schemes for 8 days. Jump out of car at a traffic light and flee! Flee for your life!http://www.franklynch.name/

jed unclear on concept said...

::spins spinner::

Left hand blue!

Granny very unclear on concept said...

::spins spinner::


cake said...

I'd like to play the Canadian expansion of this game...

25. Land on Stephen Harper: Wonder who the mannequin is and whether his hair is real. Go golfing with Bush. Lose $200 and do not pass go.

26. Roll a 10. Trip, fall on Stephan Dion. Uh oh, you're a nice person but you have no personality; start speaking with a bad French accent. Go back two squares.

27. Land on Pierre Trudeau. Temporarily lose your wife to Ronnie Wood but get an instant boost in charisma, a rose for your lapel, and a visit with the Queen!

28. Draw a card...Hillary in a swimsuit. Stab your eyes out.

(Some things are universal.)

Redbeard76 said...

29. Land on Chelsea Clinton... Stab your eyes out!

Redbeard76 said...


hillary said...

*looks in mirror, screams...stabs eyes out*

monica lewinsky said...

- Land on me. Do not have sex with me. Stab your eyes out.

Lois Lane said...

30. Land on Dennis Kucinich. Not worth stabbing self in eye. Have hot cocoa and a dirt cookie instead.

Redbeard76 said...

31. Land on Ron Paul. Send yourself to the crazy house, then stab your eyes out.

Chinese Guy said...

Roo-hoo! It's Erection Day!

Dr. Nazi said...

"Ask not what the Nazis can do for you, ask what YOU can do for the Nazis!"

NAACP said...

Ah hah! Another 'N' word to bury!

*buries Dr. Nazi*

Spanish guy said...

Every day is erection day!

canadian guy said...

I wish we had erection day in my country.

canadian gal said...

Me too!!!

Joe Doherty said...

32. Land on William Henry Harrison and serve one month before pneumonia, jaundice, and septicemia make you stab your doctor's eyes out for prescribing leeches.

Lithuanian Guy said...


pete best said...

What if the Beatles sang about erection day?

1) ALL my loving.

2)The Tool on the Hill

3)When I'm Sixty Four Inches

4)The Ballad of Schlong and Uh-Oh

5) Octopus's Hard-on

6)Maxwell's Silver Slammer

7)Back In the V.A.G.I.N.A.

Lesser Known Sisters said...

They kept us in the attic.

Pneumonia Lennon
Jaundice Lennon
Septicemia Lennon

Bob Dole said...

You're playin' my song, boys, you're playin' my song! Uh...with a little help from my friend Mr. Viagra.

Redbeard76 said...

William Henry Harrison --- George Harrison. Coincidence? I think not.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dr. Nazi,

My name is Giselle. I'm supposed to be Brazilian but I don't look Brazilian because my Great Great grandparents emigrated from Germany. In 1945. Their physician, Dr. Mengele, suggested they might like the weather better here.

Anyway, my boyfriend is a very important person who just lost The Big One. Should we go hide in a bunker somewhere?


OOOOPS! Wrong blog response! Off to vote for Hillary! (I'LL take a cab because I shouldn't drive with my eyes stabbed out.)


I Ain't No Oprah said...

::stabs Juanita's eyes out::

cake said...

I guess we won't get a blog today...since IANO will have stabbed his eyes out after seeing dear ole Hillary win MA and all.