So I'm at the Red Sox/Yankees game last night. The first seven hours were kinda fun, the second seven hours kinda dragged.
But that's not what I'm here to discuss.
I'm here to discuss fans.
Fans are stupid. Red Sox fans have this urge to chant: "Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!"
Now while true, it gets old quite fast. It's just not clever. Though true.
Truth is not always clever.
Now I'm about to do something I never thought I'd do. I'm about to compliment Yankee fans.
Me.
Complimenting Yankee Fans.
The Yankees have a player named Jorge Posada. I hate him more than any smelley Yankee ever. Chinless milksop that drives me nuts.
And he's good. Looks a bit like a weasel. No chin. Smells odd.
I hate him.
And the name 'Jorge' is pronounced: Whore-Hey!
So the Yankee fans in attendence last night get this chant going when he comes to the plate....and it goes like this:
"Hip Hip Jorge! Hip Hip Jorge! Hip Hip JORGE!"
(Sounds like Hip hip Hooray! Hip hip Hooray!)
And there you have it. Even the suckiest of sucks can be clever.
Yankees suck!
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Hip Hip Jorge. Yeah, that is pretty clever for Yankees fans. They probably still love knock-knock jokes, too.
"Knock knock.."
"Who's there?"
"JORGE!"
Sparkle: "Jorge who?"
Crowd: "Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African Explorer!"
Groucho: "Did someone call me Schnorer?"
Crowd: "Hooray hooray hooray!"
Sparkle replies: "Jorge who?" Performs wacky dance off stage.
Damn, I never get a chance to use my oversized comical hook to pull people off stage.
::puts it away sadly::
p.s.
I want some of what Sparkle's drinking/smoking/eating today!
Back in the day when I had tickets to every Yankee Saturday home game (before such things required one to take on debt similar to that of a third-world country) I went with fans who specialized in innovative chants, both for our own boys and those on other teams.
We weren't necessarily kind.
Paul O'Neil (when he was at the plate): "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" "The one in the middle, Paul! Hit the one in the middle!" "Spiders! Spiders everywhere!"
Paul O'Neil (when he would strike out, shortly before he'd whip his helmet to the turf) "It's the helmet's fault! Stupid, stupid helmet!" OR "Annnnd... the water cooler gets nervous!"
Luis Polonia "C'mon, Luis! Bang it like a 15-year-old!"
Chuck Knobloch (who went through an entire series of OCD-related tics before every swing) "Where's your head? Where's your head?" (Wait for Knobloch to tap the top of his helmet) "THERE'S your head!"
Jim Leyritz (Who would always twirl his bat under his arm, then do an odd left-right-left thing with his ass) "Spin it! Shake it! Thank you!"
Trot Nixon/Otis Nixon/Any other player with the surname Nixon: "Four more years! Four more years!" (And heaven help us if said player stole a base...)
Derek Jeter: "I love you Derek! Marry meeeee! He's so dreeeeaaaamy!" (Done in unison by eight men, ranging in age from the mid-30s to the mid-40s, in falsetto.)
Jeff Nelson, a relief pitcher who used to tug at his crotch after every single pitch... well, you all have good imaginations, don't you...
Delino DeShields" "[singing] In the jungle, the quiet jungle, Delino sleeps tonight..."
And so on, and so on. Any player involved in a family altercation, or with the law, and so on, was fair game.
Hell, any player without a surname that was Jones, Smith or Jackson was fair game. I'm not even going to tell you what we used to say to Paul Assenmacher.
Good times. Vicious times. The opportunity to get off a decent line always trumped loyalty.
You can do that, when you have 26 championships under your belt.
-- Lamont "Boy of Summer" Cranston
"Lamont Sucks! Lamont Sucks!"
*attacks Lamont*
What if the Beatles sang about the Yankees?
- No Winnin' Wood
- All You Need is a Glove
- Ob-la-LOOOO, Ob-la-ZAAAS!
- Everybody's Got Some Bit of Pride Except Me and My Yankee
- He's Leaving Home (After Being Called Out)
Okay, maybe Lamont sucks, but those were pretty funny.
"Hip, hip, Jorge" is pretty clever, too.
(Aside to IANO: Please tell me you read my "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby" post? Part One, anyway? It was written with you in mind, kinda/sorta.)
Dear David,
I can't always read your blog due to the white lettering on black paper look.
Since I was sterilized my eyes don't work so well.
"NoOprah swallows! NoOprah swallows!"
-- Lamont "Not Afraid To Roll Around In The Playground Mud With Anyone" Cranston
::spits up water laughing::
(Hey, I just wanna play too.)
*attacks Lamont*
IANO:
Sorry about your vision problems. And the sterilization, too, unless that was planned.
But you still might wanna check this out: http://davidzrantz.blogspot.com/2008/04/you-must-have-been-beautiful-baby.html
For one thing, it's uncharacteristically brief, and for another....
Trust me.
Jorge has grabbable ears and christmas tree lips. That is all.
i think you heard Hit Hit Jorge from the Red Sox fans :)
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