Monday, December 18, 2006

Customer Service and makin' the sale.

So this woman comes in the shop the other day and stands at the front counter and asks me if I have this...if I have that. She looks familiar.

I know I know her but can't place from where. I can't remember her name or if I knew her thirty years ago or three days ago.

But know I know her. And she starts talking like she knows me. And it's driving me nuts that I can't place her!

Nothing is ringing a bell.

Who is she? DAMN! I know her. I need to focus and remember how I know her.

I cannot for the life of me place her. How could I forget someone this attractive, smart, and obviously into me?

I have no idea how that is possible.

I just can't remember her.

Until we start making out, and then all the memories of making out with her last year all comes rushing back to me.

Though I don't remember if I made the sale.

90 comments:

Anonymous said...

That wasn't a woman

Anonymous said...

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Anonymous said...

As Mike Tyson says, "I don't remember your name, but your mace is familiar."

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

Is "makig the sale" a euphamism?

Cake said...

Customer service, makin' the sale, completing the transaction...wow, retail's a pretty naughty business when you look at it that way, huh.

Cake said...

And we can't forget "open for business"!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Will there be anything else, Miss?"

Anonymous said...

"Need any help with that package?"

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Anything else I can do for you?"

Anonymous said...

"Paper or plastic?"

Lois Lane said...

"Do you want to super size?"

bostongraf said...

"Cash, check, or charge?"

Cake said...

"Back in five minutes."

Anonymous said...

"You want fries with that?"

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

"You need that wrapped?"

Anonymous said...

What if I don't like it?"

Anonymous said...

"All transactions final."

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

Trust me...if you made out with her I'm pretty sure you lost the sale.

Anonymous said...

"would you like an apple pie with that?"

I Ain't No Oprah said...

and Cousin Saul stabs me right in my sultry lips....

stuckwithacomb said...

"Receiving in rear"

Anonymous said...

Shit! Lamont bneat me to it.

Oh well.

"Would you like a gift reciept?"

Creepy!

Cake said...

"Thanks for shopping here...come again!"

Anonymous said...

Trying to make a sale?
Let me guess: you were trying to put a Very Fine Giant Size Man Thing in her shopping cart...

Anonymous said...

'Are we hiring? What position are you looking for?'

Anonymous said...

"You break it, you buy it."

Anonymous said...

"No shirt, no shoes, no service."

Anonymous said...

"There's no tax on floppies."

bostongraf said...

"Satisfaction Guaranteed"

(How did it get this far and noone used that one!)

Anonymous said...

Buy One get One free.

Anonymous said...

"Eat here, or take out?"

"Would you like to take your leftovers home?"

"How about a contribution for Jerry's Kids?"

-- Lamont Cranston

Cake said...

"Get it while it's hot!"

Anonymous said...

"Do you have anything bigger?"

Lois Lane said...

"Regular or Decaf?"

"Service with a smile!"

Anonymous said...

"Maybe extra large would fit a bit better?"

bostongraf said...

"Would you like to see the dessert tray?"

bostongraf said...

"Would you like that mild, spicy, or extra hot?"

Anonymous said...

'Has this been previously used?'

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"We take all forms of plastic."

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Would you like that box gift wrapped?"

Anonymous said...

"No refunds or exchanges."

Anonymous said...

"Oh, nevermind, I've changed my mind. It looked different in the advertisement."

Anonymous said...

PRICED TO SELL!

Anonymous said...

"You won't find THIS at your local mom and pop store!!!"

I Ain't No Oprah said...

'Would you like a free seamless panty?'

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Would you like me to hold that for you?"

Anonymous said...

"Specialty" items are kept in the back room.

Anonymous said...

"Tuesday is ladies' night!"

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Shall I put that to the side while you browse?"

Anonymous said...

Try our free layaway plan!

We recommend our three year service agreement with that item.

For an additional cost, we will make a curb-to-curb delivery!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"It's way down there...nope, a bit lower. Keep going. Keep going. That's it."

Anonymous said...

'Help Wanted'

Anonymous said...

"My son bought one the other day and won't stop playing with it!"

Anonymous said...

Batteries not included.

Anonymous said...

'I hope you're still open!'

Anonymous said...

OPEN FOR SERVICE.

Anonymous said...

"What time do you close?"

Cake said...

"If you can't reach it yourself, ask for help..."

Cake said...

"I'm looking for a job..."

Anonymous said...

"Here,let me help you with those, they look heavy'

Anonymous said...

"First come, first served."

Anonymous said...

"The soup of the day is chowdah."

Anonymous said...

"Have a sexy birthday!"

Anonymous said...

'Want me to put that in your box?'

Anonymous said...

"It won't fit, I think we need a bigger box."

Anonymous said...

"If I shave a bit off, will you buy it now?

Anonymous said...

'check out the kids section'

Anonymous said...

"The soup of the day is chowdah."."

I Ain't No Oprah said...

"Who else is working this shift?"

Anonymous said...

"Just me, I'm doing double shifts today..."

Anonymous said...

'How'd ya do on tips tonight?'

Anonymous said...

'all we have left is the foot longs in the buns'

bostongraf said...

"You break it, you bought it!"

bostongraf said...

"As seen on TV"

bostongraf said...

"Would you like to join our frequent buyers program?"

Cake said...

"Plug it in, we'll just make sure it works before you pay."

Anonymous said...

'Careful...that Hoagy is hot!'

Anonymous said...

"2 for 1 Special!"

Anonymous said...

'Hot enough for ya?'

Anonymous said...

"You have to see it to believe it!"

Anonymous said...

"Tops and bottoms on special today!"

Anonymous said...

Cash Only policy.

Anonymous said...

'see ya on the flip side!'

Anonymous said...

'Let me take that out for you...'

Anonymous said...

Notice: Employees must wash hands before leaving the rest rooms.

Anonymous said...

If you see it cheaper somewhere else, we will match their lowest price! We will not be undersold.

Anonymous said...

She was your right hand. You know, you usually call her Power Girl.

Tabernac but your memory's gone bad.

No she wasn't wearing a fur coat- that's your palm, doofus.

Clinky said...

"Cash or Charge?"

"PLUTONIUM!"

Anonymous said...

Managers' Special: Inquire within.

Anonymous said...

"Why yes, it IS plug and play..."