So this woman comes in the shop the other day and stands at the front counter and asks me if I have this...if I have that. She looks familiar.
I know I know her but can't place from where. I can't remember her name or if I knew her thirty years ago or three days ago.
But know I know her. And she starts talking like she knows me. And it's driving me nuts that I can't place her!
Nothing is ringing a bell.
Who is she? DAMN! I know her. I need to focus and remember how I know her.
I cannot for the life of me place her. How could I forget someone this attractive, smart, and obviously into me?
I have no idea how that is possible.
I just can't remember her.
Until we start making out, and then all the memories of making out with her last year all comes rushing back to me.
Though I don't remember if I made the sale.
Monday, December 18, 2006
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That wasn't a woman
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
As Mike Tyson says, "I don't remember your name, but your mace is familiar."
-- Lamont Cranston
Is "makig the sale" a euphamism?
Customer service, makin' the sale, completing the transaction...wow, retail's a pretty naughty business when you look at it that way, huh.
Cake,
Don't forget "window dressing" so you can "display the merchandise."
And we can't forget "open for business"!
"Will there be anything else, Miss?"
"Need any help with that package?"
"Anything else I can do for you?"
"Paper or plastic?"
"Do you want to super size?"
"Cash, check, or charge?"
"Back in five minutes."
"You want fries with that?"
-- Lamont Cranston
"You need that wrapped?"
What if I don't like it?"
"All transactions final."
-- Lamont Cranston
Trust me...if you made out with her I'm pretty sure you lost the sale.
"would you like an apple pie with that?"
and Cousin Saul stabs me right in my sultry lips....
"Receiving in rear"
Shit! Lamont bneat me to it.
Oh well.
"Would you like a gift reciept?"
Creepy!
"Thanks for shopping here...come again!"
Trying to make a sale?
Let me guess: you were trying to put a Very Fine Giant Size Man Thing in her shopping cart...
'Are we hiring? What position are you looking for?'
"You break it, you buy it."
"No shirt, no shoes, no service."
"There's no tax on floppies."
"Satisfaction Guaranteed"
(How did it get this far and noone used that one!)
Buy One get One free.
"Eat here, or take out?"
"Would you like to take your leftovers home?"
"How about a contribution for Jerry's Kids?"
-- Lamont Cranston
"Get it while it's hot!"
"Do you have anything bigger?"
"Regular or Decaf?"
"Service with a smile!"
"Maybe extra large would fit a bit better?"
"Would you like to see the dessert tray?"
"Would you like that mild, spicy, or extra hot?"
'Has this been previously used?'
"We take all forms of plastic."
"Would you like that box gift wrapped?"
"No refunds or exchanges."
"Oh, nevermind, I've changed my mind. It looked different in the advertisement."
PRICED TO SELL!
"You won't find THIS at your local mom and pop store!!!"
'Would you like a free seamless panty?'
"Would you like me to hold that for you?"
"Specialty" items are kept in the back room.
"Tuesday is ladies' night!"
"Shall I put that to the side while you browse?"
Try our free layaway plan!
We recommend our three year service agreement with that item.
For an additional cost, we will make a curb-to-curb delivery!
"It's way down there...nope, a bit lower. Keep going. Keep going. That's it."
'Help Wanted'
"My son bought one the other day and won't stop playing with it!"
Batteries not included.
'I hope you're still open!'
OPEN FOR SERVICE.
"What time do you close?"
"If you can't reach it yourself, ask for help..."
"I'm looking for a job..."
"Here,let me help you with those, they look heavy'
"First come, first served."
"The soup of the day is chowdah."
"Have a sexy birthday!"
'Want me to put that in your box?'
"It won't fit, I think we need a bigger box."
"If I shave a bit off, will you buy it now?
'check out the kids section'
"The soup of the day is chowdah."."
"Who else is working this shift?"
"Just me, I'm doing double shifts today..."
'How'd ya do on tips tonight?'
'all we have left is the foot longs in the buns'
"You break it, you bought it!"
"As seen on TV"
"Would you like to join our frequent buyers program?"
"Plug it in, we'll just make sure it works before you pay."
'Careful...that Hoagy is hot!'
"2 for 1 Special!"
'Hot enough for ya?'
"You have to see it to believe it!"
"Tops and bottoms on special today!"
Cash Only policy.
'see ya on the flip side!'
'Let me take that out for you...'
Notice: Employees must wash hands before leaving the rest rooms.
If you see it cheaper somewhere else, we will match their lowest price! We will not be undersold.
She was your right hand. You know, you usually call her Power Girl.
Tabernac but your memory's gone bad.
No she wasn't wearing a fur coat- that's your palm, doofus.
"Cash or Charge?"
"PLUTONIUM!"
Managers' Special: Inquire within.
"Why yes, it IS plug and play..."
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