Monday, December 04, 2006

Hoochie-Coochie Man

As you know, thousands of children around the globe read this blog. Today we are asking them not to, as today's blog is going to be R-rated.

Back when me and the Hoag were around 13 years old we'd be hangin' my house and my older brother and his friends would be there also.

They were cool. We looked up to them. They stole stuff, smoked pot, drank booze, skipped school, made it with chicks, dressed cool, gambled.

They gave us advice.

So one day while sitting Indian style looking up at in awe at one of them....we'll call him Mike....he gave us some incredible advice.

MIKE: "Never blow air into a woman's coochie (vagina)"

US: "Why would we want to?"

MIKE: Doesn't matter...just NEVER EVER do it...it could kill them"

US: "GASP!!!"

MIKE: "Promise?"

US: "How could it kill them if we blew air into their coochie (vagina)?"

MIKE: "It would send an air bubble straight to the heart instantly killing them."

US: "We promise!"

FAST FORWARD 5 TO 8 YEARS LATER:

HOAG: "Hey...remember when Mike Scotty told us that if you blew air into a woman's coochie (vagina) it would kill them?"

ME: "Hell yeah!"

HOAG: "It doesn't kill them...they just kinda laugh and look at you weird"

31 comments:

Cake said...

Oh, that Hoagy!

Anonymous said...

NoOprah:

It's people like you who are going to put the Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola industries out of business.

-- Lamont Cranston

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I've never blown into a Pop Rocks Coochie (vagina)....

Bemisdown said...

You do realize it's National Vagina Appreciation Week...

Roger the Shrubber said...

Dirrrty

bostongraf said...

Every week is National Vagina Appreciation Week.

Anonymous said...

Amen brother!

And NoOprah,
I thought women hated it when you use the C word (coochie). Careful, they're know to go into irrational rages when they hear that word.

Anonymous said...

irrational rages?

Paul said...

Irrational Rages seem to happen once a month when Aunt Flow is visiting. Coincidence? I think not. Never trust anything that bleeds for five days but doesn't die.

Cake said...

I'll have you know that my rages are always rational.

To me, anyways.

Anonymous said...

Bacon Ace and Paul aren't making nice with the girlies in the playground. They both need a time-out.

To you corners boys. It's for your own good.

Anonymous said...

Good thing there aren't thousands of children reading this!

Anonymous said...

Cake is a chick?

Cake said...

Dear Cake is a Chick?:

Yes.

Love,
Cake (female)

Anonymous said...

Ace, you're absolutely right.
You do deserve a category all your very own.

Paul you can come out from your corner, now. (Ace owns it.)

Anonymous said...

Yes, I can vouch for the fact that Cake is one hot broad!

Hubba hubba.

Anonymous said...

"Paul you can come out from your corner, now. (Ace owns it.) "

See? Totally irrational at the mention of that word. Thank you for proving my point.

Anonymous said...

Somebody sounds a little testy, or would that be 'irrational'?

Maybe Aunt Flow is making a visit to the Ace?

Cake said...

I'm curious. What would be the traditional flower of National Vagina Appreciation Week, anyways? Tulips?

Quick, someone call Hallmark...we have a winner here!

Anonymous said...

Well, Bacon Ace might be the gal to answer that.

Anonymous said...

Maybe we should check back later with ace, when aunt flow isn't visiting.

Bemisdown said...

Cake,

I SO want to respond to your question about the National Vagina Week flower, but anything I say will just get me into trouble.

Although someone DID drop the "C" bomb already, which should make anything the rest of say sound pristine.

On that note...See You Next Tuesday!

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Look at the reaction just by typing it once. Way to go gals.

BTW you can make reference to me as a female anytime. My ego can take it. It's a long noted fact on this blog that I "eat corn the long way".

Anonymous said...

Now, that's no way to be in a corner, Bacon Ace. You're not to come out until Big Mama says.

Anonymous said...

Somebody please get Bacon Ace her Midol.

"Us" flowers are starting to wilt.

Anonymous said...

bacon ace,

We'll C U Next Tuesday...in detention.

Anonymous said...

Cake:

Nobody has made the obligatory "pussy willows" joke? Shame on us all. I am rendering myself to a corner of the sandbox. But I'm taking the good truck.

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

Lamont, good one!
"Us" flowers probably would have thought of that if we weren't all going into irrational rages. (It tends to stump our creative process).

I think Big Mama and Teacher are handing out the appropriate punishments. No need for unnecessary self-exilation* (*okay, maybe not a real word, but it should be).

Anonymous said...

In a related story (on so many levels) George Clooney's potbellied pig died. Off to Hog heaven (the kind with Wilbur's, not Harley's).

He will be missed at the villa.

Tex said...

speaking of blowing....does anyone know where the word blowjob derived from?

Clinky said...

"A rubber ball, a piece of string,
Sally puts them in her thing."

--B. Kliban