So I'm at this New Years Eve party and all the men were standing around talking so I decided to leave all the women and go join them. One of the guys is telling us this story of his brother(?) who went or had a party where there was a stripper. Now from what I gather the stripper was doing whatever it is that strippers do. Dancing. Taking off their clothes. And other stripper related duties.
And then she decided to do the following:
She took a flashlight (like the kind they use when directing a plane on a runway....with that tapered cone thingy)....she took the flashlight and rammed it up her butt. You heard me.... the flashlight up her butt. And then turned it on.
Since when did this become something that men like? Ladies....this is NOT something we like. There is not even a remote chance that a flashlight up your ass will turn us on so don't even try it. It aint hot. It aint sexy. It's a flashlight with a big red cone thingy jammed in your rectum. NOT. SEXY. Even with the flashlight illuminated it's not sexy. Not a turn on.
And what the heck does all this have to do with the funeral of President Gerald Ford you ask?
I have no idea. I've been sitting here for 15 minutes trying my best to somehow tie in the funeral of a US President with a flashlight jammed in a strippers butt and can't come up with anything.
I've failed you. I've failed the Nation.