Back in the 1990s when computers first started coming into vogue, people needed mouse pads.
A pad for their 'computer mouse'. The clicker think. A Mouse Pad.
And I thought it would be brilliant to find a whole bunch of 'The Mouse Pads' and sell them in my store.
So I went on something called the World Wide Web (dubya dubya dubya) and found numerous suppliers for The Mouse Pads. All different styles and designs. Star Wars and Star Trek. Marilyn Monroe. The Rolling Stones. Tom and Jerry. Cartoons. And on and on.
And then I called up one supplier, ordered some Pads, and waited for them to arrive. And then the supplier (whom I'll now and forever call The Mouse Pad Guy) calls me up to talk about Mouse Pads!!
He started asking about sell-thru and what styles sold best and blah blah blah. No big deal.
And then he called me the next day TO TALK ABOUT MOUSE PADS AGAIN!!!
We discussed 'mouse pad strategy', market penetration, etc.
Mouse Pads.
And then he called the next day.
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And and and and and and and??? Wha happen?
He called again the next day...
...to talk some more about Mouse Pads.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh...
And then? Then wha happen?
No, nope. I think I've got it now. He called again the next day...
...to talk some more about Mouse Pads. I'm imagining a guy with a squeaky little voice! Please don't burst my bubble.
He was obsessed with the pads and saw in me a 'fellow pad fan' and kept calling.
I was not, and am not, a 'fellow pad fan'....I just wanted to carry them as a small sideline.
He wanted to worship them or something.
HEY! Did you hear that Jason Varitek sat outside his house signing stuff and giving stuff out on Halloween? Very cool. (Note: This has nothing to do with mouse pad marketing penetration. Sorry!)
He still calls daily, right?
Bill Murray says hi. Happy Groundhog Day!
Jason Varitek gave out mouse pads on Halloween???
Yogi Berra gives out World Series championship rings for Halloween.
'Cause he's got so many of them.
Seriously. If he ever wanted to do a Sammy Davis Jr. impersonation, all he would need to do is put on all of his championship rings and nobody would be able to tell the difference.
Fo' shizzle.
-- Lamont "Take The Photo On The Count Of Three" Cranston
So to sum up:
Everyone who has your number should call and ask you about mouse pads?
The term "market penetration" cracks me up every damn time.
"'fellow pad fan'"
There's a feminine hygiene product joke to be made here...
Poor Lamont. It's over, you know. Just let it go. The Yankees are a "great" team just like Britain's a "great" empire. Perhaps at one time that was true. Now it's all pish and gillerey.
MotheraGawd:
First Jayne's gonna hold you down whilst I pummel you, then I'm going to hold you down whilst Jayne pummels you.
Thanks for playing!
-- Lamont "Cruel Brittania" Cranston
Ah! "Pish and gillerey." Delightful! Ya know what word I like? Flibbertigibbet. The meaning likely hits a little close to home for me, but whatevah.
Actually, No Oprah, Jason Varitek sold the mousepads--those weren't one of his giveaways. His market penetration was very, very good because he has a tremendous ##CENSORED## [sales pitch].
(Why do I suddenly feel like I'm on "Match Game"?)
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