Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Today I will solve the Homeless Problem (using the logic of the Hoag)

So the other day we're discussing homeless folks and folks that are hungry and stuff and the Hoag comes up with the solution:

Why don't they just check into the Four Seasons Hotel, get a nice comfy bed, order room service, problem solved.

But as I'm sure you notice there is a flaw to his logic.

Most homeless folks don't have money for nice swank hotels.

So the real problem ISN'T the homeless, it's the moneyless.

So the true solution for the moneyless is for them to sell their homes for a bunch of money, which of course will now make them homeless, but with oodles of cash to now stay and eat at the Four Seasons.

Problem solved.

And folks think us Republicans don't care.


cake said...

I'd be worried about this Hoag character if I thought there was any chance he actually existed.


Now off to not-be-at-work and sit in a sunbeam instead.

moneyless guy said...

I want my two dollars.

Anonymous said...

This is perhaps the most compassionate, and clearly thought out, proposition from a Republican I've heard in 20 years.

NoOprah for President!

-- Lamont "Mugwump" Cranston

Redbeard76 said...

He's positively Reaganesque!

(Hey, he can't do any worse than Sylar disguised as Nathan Petrelli.)

Sparkle Plenty said...

If I spend that kind of money, I want the FIVE Seasons Hotel.

Anonymous said...


You should come to New York City: We HAVE five seasons -- spring, summer, fall, winter and chain-snatching.

(All right, this is a 1970s NYC subway joke -- "It's chain-snatching season", read alarmist signs scattered throughout the trains -- but it amuses me.)

-- Lamont "14K" Cranston

Sparkle Plenty said...

Lamont: HA! I like it.

David'Z RantZ said...



These homeless people are homeless AND moneyless, otherwise they'd be staying at the hotel and no longer be homeless.

So, they can't sell homes they don't have. Therefore, they'll remain moneyless, which means they'll remain homeless.

Kind of a vicious circle, innit?

It's like Marie Antoinette's oft-quoted comeback when told that the peasants had no bread, "Let them eat cake." (I'll bet she was a Republican.) "Let them eat cake," indeed!

[thinks about other bloggers' names, blushes]

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Dear Davidz,

You clearly aren't thinking this through...if they don't have a house they are clearly flush with cash from said sale of house.

You can't be both homeless and moneyless.

(show me a homeless guy and I'll show you a guy with hidden pockets in his frayed jacket lined with $50 bills)

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm Anonymous McClure. You might remember me from such angry, outraged comments as "Why does CNN link to this blog?" This time, however, I'm pretty sure he's writing satire. Or is he? DAMN! Maybe he trapped me!

I would like to object to my own comment at this time. And, I hope that CNN does not link to it.

Joe Doherty said...

"And folks think us Republicans don't care."

John McCain is rolling in his grave...

David'Z RantZ said...

Ohhhh, NOW I get it. (I think.)

Those sneaky bastards!

cake said...


You're not actually trying to understand this blog...are you!?

Here, this might help...::pours some infrastructure, hands it over::


David'Z RantZ said...

Sorry. [drinks] Silly of me. [drinks] Won't happen again. [drinks] Thanks. [shakes empty glass in time-honored gesture meaning "refill, please"]