Snippets!

GUY ON RADIO: "Today is July 3rd...tomorrow will be July 4th."

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GUY IN MY SHOP: "The Michael Jackson death is bigger than 9/11"

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GUY IN MY SHOP 7 DAYS AFTER MICHAEL JACKSON DIED: "Did you hear that Michael Jackson died?"

ME: "No...I didn't hear that."

GUY: "Farrah Fawcett and Chuck Norris died also."

ME: "I heard about Chuck."

(Chuck didn't die)

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HOAGY TO HOSTESS AT RESTAURANT AFTER HOSTESS COMMENTED ON HIS SHIRT: "You know we're not gay, right?"

ME: "Well...I'm not anyhow..."

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{Hoagy does his Karl Malden impersonation}

ME: "That ain't Karl Malden."

HOAG: "Then who is it?"

ME: "You just did Johnny Carson doing Karl Malden."

HOAG: "What will you do...WHAT WILL YOU DO?"

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WIFEY: "You have no fashion sense."

ME: "Maybe not for myself, but I know what looks good on women."

WIFEY: "No you don't."

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CUSTOMER: "What are your hours this weekend?"

ME: "Regular hours throughout the weekend."

CUSTOMER: "Are you closed on the 4th?"

ME: "Nope...we'll be open our regular hours all weekend."

CUSTOMER: "Even Sunday?"

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