I read that in the new National Geographic.
25,000. Every day. Mostly kids. Die of hunger. Starve.
And that's tragic.
But not as tragic as what me and Wifey are going through.
We've got too many TV shows to watch. It's killing us.
2nd season ROME, bunch of boxed sets of Six Feet Under, The Red Sox and upcoming playoffs, the new fall line-up, and the crap we have recorded, a week long slate of Ken Burns THE WAR, TCM movies, all the late shows, the morning shows. The Patriots. etc etc.
I'd trade one of those starving kids some of the glop I scrape off of a Big Mac if they'd watch some of my shows and just tell me what happened in a nice, short, concise manner (Sparkle need not apply)
And I've said it before and I'll say it again....why the heck don't those starving kids just get off their butts and get down to their local supermarket and get some food and stop starving?
This generation is just SO lazy.
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Sparkle need not apply, eh? C'mere, mac!
To sum up: You likey teevee.
Tell me about it...a friend just loaned me the seasons of Six Feet Under that I missed and I was staring at them, trying to think of when I'll get around to them.
I might have to quit my job and become a full-time tv watcher. Do you think there's any money in that?
Hey! Waitasec...what will you pay me to watch tv for you and let you know what happened?
I think you fall in the yappy-yappy camp with Sparkle.
Sorry.
I'm filling out this online order the other day and 'they' asked for my phone number.
So I typed in my phone number. 1-111-111-1111. 1 followed by area code followed by 7 digit number. 11 numbers total. You know....a phone number.
So after I get done filling out this long and tedious order,the online form pops back up telling me my phone number is incorrect.
Well, guess what? They are incorrect. I typed in the correct number the first time, but I typed it in this time leaving out the first 1. For no real reason.
Bingo!
So now my correct phone number is 111 (area code) 111-1111 (the the 7 digit 'regular number')
Now if you dial that 111-111-1111 the operator comes on and says you need to dial a one before the number.
YOU MEAN MY FUCKING 11 NOT 10 DIGIT PHONE NUMBER YOU FUCKING AUTOMATED ONLINE DOUCEBAG ORDERFORM!!!???
Spell it out for us retards okay? Cuz when someone asks for my phone number I should read their brainac like mind and leave out one digit. Because when someone asks for your phone number what they REALLY want is a partial phone number.
I hate you Verizon! And your bitch cousins, Cingular and AT &T.
(Though I feel kinda sorry for Sprint and Nextel)
And next time those dicks ask where I live I'm just gonna type in America. Cuz that's probably what they meant, correct?
Did he just call me yappy-yappy???
Yeppy yeppy. BTW: Who's that chatterbox? Wish they'd get to the frickin' point.
I'll leave you two alone to entertain us all.
::puts on headphones::
I'll tell you what happened all those seasons of "Six Feet Under":
People died.
That concise enough for ya'?
Well, since NoOprah can't hear us...and don't tell him I repeated this...but the other day he told me he thinks Hillary's hot.
Shocking, huh?
He told me he had a naughty dream involving a croced/capried/cankled Hilary, but y'know, I kinda stopped listening after five seconds. To sum up: Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Oh, Sparkle...he had THAT one again?? I got so tired of hearing about it the first 10 times he had it! Always the same thing...the striptease, the little dance, Hillary with pasties on. I mean, ugh.
Dear Lois,
You aint yappy-yappy. It's the other two broads.
And Lamont.
Eatin' candy and laughing at the poverty in the Sudan. Makin' up names for Sudanese baseball teams.
But I have writer's block and no Sudanese Baseball Team Names come to mind.
How about the Sudan Ims?
Or maybe The Sudanese Red Sox?
I wish April was here.
Or Pam.
And I wish I had Candy.
NoOprah:
Just for that, I'm not going to summorize what was on the television last night.
And I would have done it for free. Free!
-- Lamont "Digest" Cranston
P.S. You forgot the most important part of NoOprah's dream. Hillary's cankles looped behind his ears...and the pasties had little blue donkeys on them.
That's the part that gets him the hottest.
I think there was pudding wrestling involved, too...or was that the dream he had about Hitler? I sort of stopped listening at that point.
Oh great. I've got hysterical blindness again. Now how am I supposed to watch TV?
Sorry for my part in it, Lois... but I will childishly point out that NoOprah started it!
You know, I love it when Lois gets hysterical blindness! Wait. Let me be more concise: Ha ha!
PorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPorkPork
theotherwhitemeattheotherwhitemeattheotherwhitemeattheotherwhitemeat
I taste like alligator.
Don't taser me, bro!
Okay then.
Nobody's number is 1-111-111-1111.
Mine is.
So is mine.
LIAR!
My number is 1-111-111-1111!
Hey! Mine, too!
Yo! Heap Big Chief Yappy Yappy
Only Sudanese team I know is in the capital, Khartoum:
The SudaFeds
*snort*
I love when NoOprah posts to himself on his own blog.
Whatta looza!
Oh not only a looza...but yappy, too.
IN YOUR FACE!
Oh snap! You just got "Caked" dude.
Thank you, thank you very much.
::bows::
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