So I'm coming to work this morning and see this sign on a church:
GET RID OF WORRY WRINKLES...GET A FAITH LIFT.
Just another in a long list of reasons I don't go to church.
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11 comments:
You've probably seen "Church Sign Generator", a site that allows both the naughty and nice to create their own seemingly real ecumenical marquees. I seem to recall seeing one about butter fighters not too long ago...
As someone who spent more time than he probably should in the deep South 20 years ago, I can assure you that your "Faith Lift" sign is not only typical of the breed, but rather sedate.
-- Lamont "Fire and Brimstone" Cranston
Not to spread rumors, but I hear Jesus uses Botox.
"Just another in a long list of reasons I don't go to church"
Also because you'd probably catch fire the second you walked through the door...I know I would.
People who don't go to church have no sense of humor!
[May the force be with you.]
Wait...
Jews don't go to church.
Jews don't have senses of humor?
-- Lamont Cranstein
I might pop into various kinds of churches/synagogues/temples from time to time--just to see what's shakin'...new saints, upcoming apocalypses, baked bean suppers, calf worshipping, whatever's on the menu...but I've been banned due to an affliction called Helpless Giggles At Inappropriate Times. You give me a time when I'm supposed to not giggle, and I giggle. I tried going to a tent revival to be healed, but I was giggling and they wouldn't let me in. The last time I was in a church, I was supposed to solemnly light a candle with my sister. I was shaking so hard with mirth I almost torched the poor girl.
Oh boy. Does this mean Lamont doesn't have a CHURCH either?!
I'm keeping all your chairs warm for you. Just leave your handbaskets by the door...
Sparkle:
I've been to church approximately nine times in my life, and always for a wedding or a funeral. I got the giggles every single time.
Let's never go to church together...we'll get detention for sure.
Cake: ooooh...Funeral Helpless Giggles...I've been there. I've lived that. Yep. They'd separate us for sure and we'd get put on double secret probation 'n whatnot.
"Go ahead and laugh, Mary! Chuckles would have wanted that!"
-- Lamont "And a rogue elephant tried to shuck him" Cranston
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