Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I loved you McDonalds. Maybe I still do.

I was always true to you. We grew up together. I'm part of your sign that states 'billions and billions' served.

When I was down in the dumps you were there all Thick Chocolate Shakey for me.

When I was going to a funeral after work I knew I could count on you for a couple of Apple Pies. Maybe a small french fry just until I looked at the dead guy and then got home.

You were there when my Mom died (two Big Macs, large fry, Chicken McNuggets, orange drink)

Or how about that time in the storm when I pulled up to the drive-up window and ordered the Big Breakfast? Remember that? That got me through.

The day my kids were born? Filet O Fish!! God I love them! I love my kids also.

The day I got married? I'm pretty sure it was for a limited time only....McRib!! Made my wedding quite special.

Sometimes I'm just feeling blue (usually in the fall) and I'll go thru the drive-up and just order a box of cookies....the voice will say "Is that all?" and I think is that all? What more does one need when blue? I'm blue, I didn't have to leave my car, and now I have cookies.

Remember September 11, 2001? I sure do. Two quarter pounders, large fries, 2 apple pies, and a soft serve ice cream. You got me though buddy. Big time.

Too many times to were always there. Always.


You weren't there last night. And I needed you.

But Wendy was. And Wendy served me up two 1/4 perfectly cooked square hamburgers and a small fry. She was there FOR ME!!! She took care of me!!! And she was delicious.

And where were you McDonalds? Serving your bilions and billions?? Yeah....minus one.

You're on notice.

Dear Wendy,

I won't be back for a while....I have to try an make it work with Mac.



cake said...

So to sum up:

You like McDonald's, last night you tried Wendy's, but now you hope McDonald's will take you back.

Sparkle Plenty said...

What about Burger King? Within those walls, kids are king! How can you not like that?

Lois Lane said...

Yer' kind of a burger whore, ain't ya?

ronald said...

I'd say downright burger slut, actually. And if he thinks I'm taking him back, he's got another thing coming.

ghost of nelson de la rosa said...

I used to get Happy Meals. You can't be unhappy when you eat one of those. There's no way. Try. I dare you.

Anonymous said...


Admit it. If Wendy's started offering toys on a regular basis, you'd leave Ronald so fast it would knock those floppy red shoes off his gi-normous feet.

-- Lamont "I Know Which Side My Happy Meal Is Buttered On" Cranston

Anonymous said...


What would the slogan for "Burger Whore" be?

Aside from "Billions and billions served," of course. And anything to do with crabs.

-- Lamont "Pick One Up Tonight" Cranston

The Descendants said...

Hey, hands off my Wendy!

cake said...

I hear Burger Whore is hiring for "All Positions."

(Lamont started it!)

Lois Lane said...

"Burger Whore: We Do It Your Way"

And do you want fries with that?

Anonymous said...

Burger Whore-

"I'll make sure there is plenty of special sauce to go around"

"I don't want a small fry, I want a large fry -winkwink-"

Sparkle Plenty said...

No Oprah: You cyber 'tard!

Burger Whore:
Special orders won't upset us (as long as you pay enough)!

Anonymous said...

"ba da da da daaaa -- I'm lovin' it (until my quarter-hour is up)."

I wonder if we can get Barry Manilow to weigh in on this...

-- Lamont "Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun" Cranston

Sparkle Plenty said...

Dear No Oprah,

It has come to my attention that you are misusing the term Magooin'.
Magooin' means fumbling along through all kinds of peril and remaining untouched or just roaming around in the world in a clueless, yet kinda cute, way. It has nothing to do with a (for the love of god) nightstand.
I am afraid that I will need to ask you to refrain from using the term for the time being.

Now, come close so I can clasp you in a giant cyber hug. Awww....I just cyber-chucked you under your sour little chin!

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows,

I Ain't No Oprah said...

But it's because he CAN'T see well!!!

(look at YOUR original use of the expression.)

Sparkle Plenty said...

No Oprah. You have touched my heart with your tragic cry: "But it's because he CAN'T see well!"

Really, can ANY of us really "see well" in this world? No, life is a mystery wrapped in many layers of rustling tissue paper adorned with cavorting snowmen!

Anyhoo, while you were trawling the burger dens stuffing your piehole, I broadened the meaning. I can do that! I'm a broad. Language groooows, it grooooows every moment. It just doesn't go over there on the nightstand.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

It's your it how you want.

Anonymous said...



No.. more... Leslie... Gore!

::Pulls out his eardrums with a corkscrew::

It's no use... I can still hear... I CAN STILL HEAR!

-- Lamont "It's My Party" Cranston

P.S. Of course language doesn't just go over there on the nightstand. There's no room for it on the nightstand, what with the nightstand being overrun with elephants and all.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Dear No Oprah,

Can I express it with a fake french accent? 'cause I was thinking about doing that.


Paul said...

mmmm... mcbowels.

cake said...

Dear Sparkle: