Friday, October 05, 2007

Nothing left to make fun of.

Nothing. It's over. Everything that could be made fun of has been made fun of.

It's over. Done.

I always thought there would be an endless supply of things to make fun of, but this morning when I checked my notes I saw nothing.

Well, maybe a little something.

The word FRESCA was jotted down....but with a line through it.

Would FRESCA be worth making fun of? Cuz that's all I have.


What kinda loser drinks FRESCA? Retards? Yankee Fans? Not Iranians? Canadians? My cousin? Wifey?

Have any of us in the last 5 years tried FRESCA? Seen FRESCA?

Have any of us seen anybody else drinking FRESCA? Have you seen it at a bar or a store?

Ever crave it? Do you even remember what it tastes like?

Ever see an ad on TV for FRESCA?

How would they advertise it? Would they show a bunch of tards at the Special Olympics trying to high five each other while sweat dripped down their pudgy retarded bodies?

Would that make us (Non Retards) want to go out and hunt down The FRESCA? Are sweaty retards really the demographic the FRESCA folks want?

What the hell does FRESCA mean anyhow? Fresh? Ca? Fresh-carbonated. FRESCA.


FRESCA is so stupid I ain't even gonna make fun of it.


Sparkle Plenty said...

I drank Fresca last week. I'm not a loser!*

*One of these sentences is a lie. I'm a loser. I quenched my thirst with the grapefruity stupie bubble water known as Fresca. Yep. It's me.

Anonymous said...

cake said...

I always just figured it was a Boston area drink that evolved from car air freshener...Fresh-cah.



bacon ace said...

I like Fresca every once in a while, though I totally dislike grapefruit. Go figure.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Car air fresheners might well be in it. It it a robust and fruity little soda with a piney nose and ocean mist bouquet. Pairs well with pheasant.

Oh, good god. I find out from anonymous's link that if I drink Fresca I need to obey the commands of a Fresca King? I'm off the stuff. Cold turkey. Quick! Someone get me a Moxie!

Lois Lane said...

My mom drinks Fresca. I wonder if she knows there's a Fresca King...

Good grief! Maybe she's part of some Fresca King-worshipping cult! What do I do to reprogram her? Hook her up to an IV of Sprite?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

If you look at the Fresca-King link you'll see that the site hasn't been updated since 1997 which proves my point.

Fresca blows.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Goodness gracious! 1997??? Maybe there was a violent Fresca revolution and the king was overthrown. Well, I can keep drinkin' it if there's no king.

bacon ace said...

OMG you drink Moxie? I lived off the stuff in college. Still love it too. Most people just don't understand.

cake said...

I'm actually not sure I've ever even had it anything like Five Alive?

If so...::spits::

Never even heard of Moxie. Gimme a Coke!

Sparkle Plenty said...

Cakie: Wasn't Five Alive a movie where a plane crashed in the alps and they all started snacking on their dead chums? Fresca is vaguely sprite-y and seven-up-y, but not.

Baconia: My uncle was very into Moxie, so occasionally I partook of it to keep him company. How would you describe Moxie? Vaguely root beer-y but not?

bacon ace said...

I wouldn't describe Moxie. better men than me have tried and gone completely insane.

It's essentially root beer (same process) but with a different root. The gentian root to be exact.

Gregory Zura said...

Five Alive:

cousin saul said...

As a non-retard who occasionally drinks a Fresca (delightful sparkling grapefruit beverage)I must comment on Moxie. It is a strange carbonated kerosene beverage...and don't get me started on the aftertaste of Diet Moxie!
Fresca has also introduced several new flavors of Fresca...cranberry, orange come to mind. Not bad, really.