So I'm driving to work this morning and I notice one of those metal Jesus Fish on the back of a car. I've been seeing those for years. (and those 'clever' folk with the Darwin Fish with the little feet....Hey tard! Fish aint got feet!)
But anyhow I realize that I have NO CLUE what the Jesus Fish means. None. I suppose I could google 'Jesus Fish' but that would kinda take the fun out of it, yes? And googlin' Jesus just seems kinda wrong. I doubt he would have liked being googled (even by a Catholic priest)
So what does the Jesus Fish mean?
1. Jesus smelled like fish? Wouldn't it be funnier just to have a bumber sticker that says "Jesus smells like fish" than a Jesus Fish?....so no. I'm guessing Jesus did NOT smell like fish.
2. Maybe Jesus was a fisherman. Can't ya just picture him side by side with Quint, chummin' for a great white shark or something? Maybe in a River That Runs Through It wearing hip waders? Nah....Jesus was a carpenter (though he wore a dress and not carpenter pants)....so no on Jesus as a fisherman.
3. Maybe Jesus was there when Moses farted in the Red Sea and killed all the fish...Jesus picked them up and brought them into town to all the Virgin Mary's and stuff? Nah. That's just a made up story.
4. Maybe it was Jesus that turned the wine into fish? But who would have drank fishy tasting wine? So that's stupid.
5. Maybe Jesus looked like a fish kinda like The Incredible Mr. Limpet. This is a good possibility. Don Knotts as The Christ. Nah.....crazy talk.
6. Maybe Jesus just had a pet goldfish or something....it's the lost chapter in the bible: Goldy 3:14 or something. Yup. That's it. Jesus had a pet goldfish. And folks like to celebrate Goldy The Jesus Fish on the back of their cars. Because it gets them in heaven.
The End.
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16 comments:
Does this mean that Jesus was really Poseidon's son?
On a side note I have one of those Jesus fish spoofs. It has feet as well, and tendrils hanging from the mouth with the Cthulu name in the center. I Love it!
1) Jesusfish are a crispy little christ-shaped cracker with a rich cheddar flavor. You can get them at your local grocer!
2) Some fish "undulate across the land." Walking catfish and snakehead fish...
3) Get a room, cyberhugger!
4) Jesus Fish was played by Abe Vigoda.
Perhaps he had a thing for the sea folk?
So it's "For-Two-Days-in-a-Row-I- Couldn't-Think-of-Anything-to-Write-So I'll-Just-Make-fun-of-Jesus" Friday?"
Cool.
I didn't make fun of Jesus....I made fun of a fish.
On the back of a Buick.
It came from Jesus's infamous threat to make his enemies "swim with da fishes."
It's true.
IT'S MOTHERAGAWD! Holy fender fish, batman, if I'd known that motheragawd was attracted by comments about jesus, I would have name-dropped more on my blog! I mean, I guess it makes sense, but...MOTHERAGAWD! The last I knew her son was "tagging," her daughter had pierced something and was running for class president, and that was last fall. (Note: By "her son" I do not mean the fish guy.)
SPARKLE!
Yes, I couldn't ignore aspersions cast upon my Son. (my Son. Not my son. You know.)
Though NoOprah denies casting aspersions.
(there's a fish-bait-casting comment lurking in here somewhere. But Motheragawd is too frazzled to find it.)
COOL! I hope that he will casteth more aspersions so you'll pop by often. Hey...Can you smiteth him? Not a lot, just a little around his feet to make him dance? 'cause that would be fun!
"there's a fish-bait-casting comment lurking in here somewhere."
You just can't quite figure it trout, huh.
(Welcome back! I hereby apologize for implying that your Son was a Mafia Don. Though I think I'm right...it's the only reasonable explanation.)
Hey, NoOprah,
::throws lightening bolts at croc-clad feet::
Magoo around these!
(that'll teach you to asperse...)
WOW! He looks like one of those Riverdancers...arms all stiff, little croc-clad feet capering wildly about!
Glad he wore a skirt again today...that kind of dancing just doesn't work in pants.
It might work in leather carpenter pants though.
I bet Jesus wishes he could have turned his robes into leather. It would have kept him a bit drier when walking on all that water.
And why did he walk on water anyhow? Didn't they have streets in caveman days?
A popular way to eat fish:
Fish Sticks!
A popular way to display Jesus:
Man on Stick!
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