Dear Mel,
Jesus Christ what were you thinking? Don't you know we control the media and we can make you look very bad? Holy Mother of God was that stupid! But seeing how you've lined our pockets with cash for over two decades we'll let it slide.
Here are some future movies we'd like you to make:
1. Dreidel Attraction
2. Orthodox and the Hound
3. Another one of those Lethal Weapon pictures with that Negro fellow.
4. Mad Maxwell Silverstein
5. Schindler's Even Bigger List
6. Oy-Ceans Eleven
7. Saving Private Ira
8. Bris of the Spider-Woman
And Mel...lay off the sauce, huh?
Love,
The Jews
PS
Don't even for New York minute think of making Yentl 2....even we hated the first one.
Friday, August 04, 2006
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11 comments:
"For Your Oys Only"
"The Schmuck Who Loved Me"
"Mad Mitzvah"
Oy vey, that's hard.
The Passion of The Criss (who died for Gene Simmons' sins)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Ohabei Shalom
Syn[agogue] City
With Six, You Get Knish
Barmitzahfly
Desperately Sitting Shiva
Children of An Old Testament God
No Oprah: Please pardon me for popping into my time machine. Dear Motheragawd: You gave me the best laugh I've had in a long time with your overheard counter talk. It's downright Jerry Springerrific! Woman with baby: Do I look like I could eat nine Big Macs? Counter girl: Girl, I don't know how you live your life. Woman with baby: Don't make me put my baby down.
Now, I'm just looking for someone to whom I can say heatedly, "Girl, I don't know how you live your life."
Dear Sparkle,
How about a nice Jewish recipe for shrimp? (nutjob)
"Don't make me put this meshugena baby down!"
(Keeping with today's theme and all.)
Motheragawd: Are you, by any chance, referring to the "You think you're all that and a bag of chips" head wag? Cool.
Nooprah: Simply substitute brisket for the shrimp (Variation III). Sorry--There are no nuts involved in the recipe. Did you need me to cut and paste it in again for you?
Nudnick.
"Bar mitzvah Crashers"
"The Name of the Rosenstein"
I'm tapped out-my "Ask a Jew" advice columnist is no longer available to me.
I have a ton of jokes but most of them just aren't kosher.
Ha. Ha ha.
I think we need to hear from Woody Allen (once he's done screwing his Stepdaughter)-we're simply out of our league here.
Whattya wanna know?
I'm confused by Woody's arrival...
Ultimate New York Jew...what's confusing
about that?
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