Naughty Bits

These are all true things, but by themselves aren't quite worthy (HA!) of a complete blog.

1. I had to borrow a formal winter coat from Hoag for this funeral.... I'm standing at the gravesite grieving when I put my hands in the pockets. Every pocket was just jammed with condoms. (See? Not worthy of a full blog)

2. When Cousin Saul goes to Disney World he insists on asking Disney employees where Shamu is and when is his next performance. When said employee informs him that Shamu is at Sea World Cousin Saul then asks again but now with a blank stare on his face.

3. As a kid my whole family was going to Disneyland but before we went we stopped at the local 7-11 for some candy. When we got to Disneyland (over an hour away) my Mom asked what one of us did with our candy wrapper. When informed that said wrapper was discarded on parking lot Mom turned around and drove back to make the culprit pick up wrapper.

4. Once while playing poker at my Moms house, Mom informed us it was time for dinner....when nobody answered or paid her any attention she proceeded to dump the large pot of spaghetti and sauce all over our poker table. I lost with two pair.

5. Cousin Saul once won everything (EVERYTHING) I owned in a poker game.

6. Clinky once worked at my store while I was away...when I returned every piece of product in the store was turned upside down.

7. The first time I went to buy condoms I was very nervous about it and never wanted to have buy them again because of some weird embarrassment....so I bought about 300 of them. Anyone need 298 condoms?

8. In New York City Hoag once got caught looking through a fence as two people fornicated and was then called a 'jive turkey' by a passerby. He's always been kinda proud of that.

9. I once got caught smoking pot in the auditorium during freshmen year of High School. I did what any kid would do...I passed the joint to the teacher who finished it off with me. She was pretty cool.

10. I once slept with one of Hoags girlfriends but never told him.

11. I once got notification in the mail that there was an outstanding warrant out for my arrest. Turns out I didn't return some library books. Really.

12. I made up #10

By themselves lame, together a masterpiece.