Wednesday, August 16, 2006

More cowbell, less retard.

My wife doesn't read this blog every day (retard), but every month or so she sits down and reads like 20 or 30 posts in a row (retard)....so the other day she tells me that she read a bunch and I decide to ask her a few questions....here is how it went:

ME: So Honey, do you like the blog?

HONEY: Yeah...it's funny but you use the word retard way too much.

ME: Like that comedian on Comedy Central I don't mean retard like people that are born that way...I mean retard in like people like Mel Gibson that become retarded later in life.

HONEY: I don't care...I don't like the word retard. Or stupid. Or large thighs.

ME: You're a retard.

HONEY: No...you are.

ME: Sorry...it's you that are.

HONEY: Nope. You.

ME: Are you retarded?

HONEY: No, but you are.

ME: Me? Retarded? I don't think so.

HONEY: Well you are.

ME: Aint.

HONEY: I think you were born retarded.

ME: I think you were.

HONEY: Nope. You.

ME: You're out of your freakin' retarded mind.

HONEY: You are.

ME: You even look a little retarded.

HONEY: HA! It's you that looks retarded!

ME: Like I was born retarded or became retarded?

HONEY: Both.

ME: You're retarded.

HONEY: You are.

ME: What's for dinner?

HONEY: RetardChow.

ME: Mmmmmmmm....I love RetardChow.

HONEY: I know...that's why I make it for you.

ME: I love you.

HONEY: You're a retard.

ME: You use that word way too much.

HONEY: That's because you're retarded.

ME: I wasn't born retarded.

HONEY: Yes you were.

ME: Are you retarded?

HONEY: Nope...but you are.

ME: *sigh*

HONEY: Are you gonna watch your retarded black and white movies all night?

ME: After all the retards go to bed.

HONEY: Don't call my kids retards.

ME: They're my kids also!

HONEY: Only the retarded one is.

ME: I love you.

HONEY: Don't forget to leave me some money in the morning.

ME: ::muffled voice:: retard.

HONEY: ::climbing the stairs:: Retard.

ME: I HEARD THAT!!!!

HONEY: No you didn't.

ME: How do you know I didn't?

HONEY: Cuz you're retarded.

ME: I love you.

HONEY: I love you too.

KIDS: You're both retarded.

18 comments:

Lois Lane said...

Aw, this is kinda sweet. In a retarded way.

Anonymous said...

This post wasn't that funny until I remembered that you're from New England so it doesn't sound like an American pronouncing it ("Retarded") but instead like "Retaaaaahdid." which makes it hilarious.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Neither Honey or I have Boston accents.

Retard.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I'm from California!

Anonymous said...

Retarded Douchebags on a Plane.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

That would be the movie of the year!

Paul said...

of course she is retarded... she married YOU.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I can even respond-I'm too retarded with my computer right now.

Anonymous said...

How come I can respond to nooprah's stuff with an account my computer tells me I don't have?

I'm taking the short bus to school this year.

Cake said...

Blogger's retarded today, not you, don't worry.

Bemisdown said...

Because nooprah is the center of my blog universe, and so very dear to my heart, and because I am an idiot, I've had to change my blog name from Momenger to Bemisdown.

I don't want to get into the details-let's just say I wsa in a severe housecleaning accident and was in a coma. Or that I'm retarded. Wanna link me up there nooprah? Otherwise I'll sit alone in cyberspace with noone to keep me company.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

All linked up. Unless I really am retarded.

And then the Wiferrorist will have won.

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