Thursday, October 23, 2008

Can I? Can I? Don't touch! Don't touch! We're just looking! No touching! Don't touch that! Maybe for Christmas! Don't touch!

Dear Asshole Mother,

Why don't you just not bring your kids in, okay? You clearly don't want them in here.

But if you do bring them in, they are allowed to touch, okay?

And buy them something today, okay?

Your kids don't want to until Christmas.

"Ask Santa. ask Santa, ask Santa!"

Why don't you ask Santa next time you want to stuff your face with fudge. Huh?

Either let your kids look and touch the stuff in the store or tie them up and leave them at home.

In fact, why don't you leave yourself at home you ugly whore!


Lois Lane said...

I'm a such a good customer that when I bring my kids to the nerd shoppe, not only do I let them touch everything but they also climb into the window display too! And then we drive around eating fudge and talk about what Santa will bring us!

Being a mom rocks!!!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

You are how Moms should be in stores. We LIKE kids touching stuff and having fun (they break it, you buy it!)

We also like when Moms like the stuff more than their kids.

And wear tight jeans.

cake said...

Lois wins the prize for making me wish I was a mom! DAMMIT! I wanna climb into window displays, eat fudge, and talk about what Santa's gonna bring us!

I mean, I could do all that without kids but it'd eventually get me put away. I need the kids as cover.

(Can I borrow yours for the weekend, Lois?)

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) "...when Moms like the stuff more than their kids" They like the stuff more than they like their kids?! Do Moms ever try to barter their children away? Is that how you got Bacon Ace? He's an indentured servant? Yer some kind of Comix Fagin?
2) I bet you were SO polite to this woman. Scary polite. While a vein pulsed in your forehead. A McCain vein!
3) Lois: May I please have some fudge?
4) Cake: Yep. You'd get tasered, bro-ina. Except maybe not--if you were wearin' your fishnet stockings and the bowler hat!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

The Mom had no clue I wanted to choke her until the last breath escaped from her lifeless body.

She must have said 'don't touch!' at least 24 times. Maybe 25.

Lois Lane said...

Sparkle: Of course!

Cake: Sure! I'll have em' start walking towards the border now. Just send em' back before Christmas, or the grandparents will start asking questions.

mulderjoe said...

Boy, I'm glad I didn't bring my sons into the store last night. IANO be scaaaary...