RONALD REAGAN:
"That reporter is comparing me to Hitler. Let me tell you...if I was Hitler that reporter would be the first in the gas chamber."
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RONALD REAGAN:
"I met that Michael Jackson today...he's very shy and is totally against drugs."
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ME WHILE WATCHING SOME DANCE SHOW:
"I could do that...except for the splits."
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THE FAMILY:
WIFEY: "My nipples hurt."
ME: "I'll make them feel better later."
DAUGHTER: 'EWWWWW....you guys are gross. I'm leaving."
WIFEY: "Great way of getting rid of kids...just bring up nipples."
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BACON ACE and MARK:
MARK: "Ha! Nice bacon shirt!"
BACON ACE: "That surprises you that a guy with a bacon tattoo would wear a bacon t-shirt?"
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GUY LOOKING AT ITEM INSIDE GLASS SHOWCASE:
GUY: "Can I see that?"
ME: "If you can see through glass."
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ME: "I'd like to report these lights as damaged."
REP: "I'll need to know what's wrong with them."
ME: "They're damaged."
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KID: "Is that filled with ooze?"
ME: "No...it's a ball."
KID: "What's it filled with?"
ME: "Super."
KID: "Huh?"
ME: "It's a super ball."
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MOM: "Wow...Robin is hard to find!"
ME: "Not here."
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6 comments:
Ooooooo!
I really want the ball filled with super.
Please can I have it???!
It's $2.99. Plus 6.25% tax.
6.25% tax?? Are you kidding me? I thought the sales tax was only 5%! What happened? Did your insane Governor raise the sales tax because they've already blown through all of the other available money they steal from hard-working taxpaying Massachusetts citizens?
Nipplets?
DEMOCRAT: "It's only a little over a penny in increased taxes"
SMART PEOPLE: "It's a 25% increase."
1) Did Reagan have a little mustache?
2) Did Jackson have a little mustache?
3) I can do the splits.
4) Sore nipples is a sign of cancer...put on your cap.
5) Bacon Ace is a slacker.
6- 8) Can you see through damaged ooze-filled glass?
9) Robin's a bit of a dork.
I hope I didn't miscount...'cause 9 is a bit a dorky number for a list.
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