Thursday, April 20, 2006

How to be a Douchebag (lesson #7)

1. Call guys Chief, Buddy, or Pal (though Dude is surprisingly okay)

2. Drive an El Camino

3. Match the color of your socks to the color of your shirt.

4. Stand in front of me at the post office and then buy 1 stamp. Douchebag.

5. Wear capri pants and then bitch about looking fat or short....cuz thats what it does. Douchebag.

6. Walk around with a toothpick hangin' out of your mouth like you're cool or something. You're not. You're a douchebag.

7. Make numbered lists because you're really not sure where to start or end paragraphs.

8. Root for the New York Yankees

9. Tell people that Timothy Dalton was the best James Bond.

10. Have a hand in the death of over 50,000,000 people, try to create a Master Race, and have a stupid mustache. Douchebag.


cake said...

I guess someone who matched the color of their socks to the color of their capri pants and Yankees jersey would be a real douchebag then, huh.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

That would actually be kinda cool.

Ann said...

Or "Big guy". {see # 1}

#9- I so agree.

Yes please & thank you to your offer. -Guys that invite you out for Indian food & then never call you back-. Douchebag. ...And a homo.

cake said...

I had no idea that something could be so full of douchebaggery that it crosses over into cool.

I learn something new every day.

summer's eve said...

#11. Rinse out a vagina.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Yes you do. That is why I am the teacher and you are the (slightly retarded) student.

Anonymous said...

Be a Kennedy, have an enormous mutant-sized head and write a stupid new book with no ideas in it.