Thursday, April 27, 2006

I Can't Believe How Lucky I Am.

No haikus, no numbered lists, no Adolf, just a true story that happened this morning that shook me up. I usually don't like to write personal stuff because people might figure out who I really ::cough:NicolasCage:cough:: am. But what the heck.

I'm backing out of the driveway this morning after carefully looking to see if any cars are coming when all of a sudden I see two women and a baby stroller about 9 inches from car! I screech on the brakes. I literally come this close ::thumb & index finger an inch apart: to hitting them. The look of horror on their faces.

I roll down my window to see if they're okay. Some small talk and nervous laughter and I drive away.

Can you imagine if I had driven over them, maybe even killed their baby? Can you imagine the time spent talking to the police or maybe at the hospital? I might have been late for work.

And I've gone almost 23 years without ever being late for work. Thank god I didn't crush their baby under my wheels. I hate being late.


Anonymous said...

imagine the work that would have been required to get the baby parts out of your tire tread?!

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Flesh caught in the tread of a tire is the leading cause of hydroplaning....if you're stupid enough to believe that hydroplaning can actually happen.

Sparkle Plenty said...

When the posse of angry mothers comes to string you up, I'm afraid that I'll be tied up playing the back nine. Best of luck extracting those rattles from your keisters.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Did I mention they were 'hot' moms with a stroller?

Phil Donahue's Niece said...

Dumb bitches shoulda looked both ways. Just proves ANYONE can be a parent.

I Ain't No Oprah said...


Sparkle Plenty said...

Was the baby in the stroller the kidnapped child of Hitler and Drew Barrymore? Blog Continuity Girl? Can you run that scene again?

The infant's weaselly mustache, yet sparkly personality, would be a sure "tell."

cake said...

Damn! Someone beat me to the "baby damaging the car" angle. I'm a little slow on the draw these days.

Paul said...

Dead babies are just plain funny.

pwdonz said...

Maybe they should have had a bike horn on the stroller like that kid on the back of all of those comics from the 1970's.

Michael said...

How about:

Joan was quizzical,
studied pataphysical
Science in the home.

Maxwell Edison,
majoring in medicine,
calls her on the phone.

Back in school again,
Maxwell plays the fool again,
teacher gets annoyed.

She tells Max to stay
when the class has gone away
so he waits behind.

PC 31
Said "We've caught a dirty one."
Maxwell stands alone.

Rose and Valerie,
screaming from the gallery,
say he must go free.