Saturday, April 22, 2006

Otter? Otter? I hardly know her.



TRUE STORY ( I lie 3% of the time):

So I'm taking my daily swim in the ocean when this adorable sea otter starts swimming along with me. She starts darting around me and under me and making all sorts of otter noises when all of a sudden she starts talking this weird broken english kinda like Yoda. She tells me to swim out to this bobbing buoy and like a mental case I don't question her.

So I'm pretty much out of breath by this time and I'm hanging on to the buoy just resting when she starts kissing me. Not just touching my face but full open mouth kinda human like tongue kissing. I'm freaked out for a a few seconds and then start kissing her back. She's amazing and probably the best kisser ever. This goes on for about twenty minutes or so and I'm wicked revved up. Then in her weird Yoda like voice she tells me to stop...she has something to tell me.

I brace myself. She tells me she's a man otter. Not only a man otter but she's (HE'S!!!!) gay!!! I'm totally freaking out! I'm clinging to a buoy in the middle of the ocean making out with a gay otter!!!

Finally I tell her (him):
"Listen, I don't makeout with no gay otters" and with that I swam off in search of a straight girl otter.

True story.

6 comments:

cake said...

Buoy oh buoy, I just can't sea that actually happening; sounds like otter nonsense to me.

cake said...

PS.

You know, it also strikes me that clinging to a boy makes ya kinda gay, anyways.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Blinky said...

How profound!

I've never been one to trust otters past their snouts.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I don't think that was his snout.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Wow, 3% man, and I thought that sharks were the tricky part of the sea (plus tuna--is it chicken or is it fish? Because, it says it's chicken on the label?). That just shouldn't otter happen. Did you ask him the question of the ages, "Is that your snout, or are you just happy to see me?"

HorrorU said...

I prefer beaver myself, but that's just me....