Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I love being married to the insane.

So I'm getting ready to go to bed last night when this conversation happens:

CrazyInsaneWife: "You know...you look like Walter Matthau"

ME: "WHAT????"

CrazyInsaneWife: "I didn't mean that in a bad way"

The conversation pretty much ended there because I realized I was talking to a totally insane non-rational person. There is no way to tell a man he looks like Walter Matthau in a 'good way'.

It's like me telling the ugliest woman on earth "You know Whoopi...you kinda look like Hillary Clinton"

WHOOPI: "What????!!!!!"

Moral of the story:

Never tell a man he looks like Walter Matthau and never tell a woman she looks like Hillary Clinton. Not even in a good way. There is no good way.

PS:
I look nothing like Walter Matthau. Or Hillary Clinton.

PSS:
Or Whoopi Goldberg

35 comments:

cake said...

I don't see it at all. I mean, you'd never wear a Mets baseball cap.

motheragawd said...

Must be the jowls.

motheragawd said...

And the dreadlocks.

Phil Donahue's Niece said...

I see "Every Which Way..." Clint Eastwood, not "Bridges of Madison County."

janesays said...

Hillary Clinton looks a little like Walter Matthau, though, don't you think?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Yeah, if Walter was hideously disfigured...

Anunomess said...

Well, I'm new to your blog, Aintno, but I am getting the sneaky suspicion that you do not like Hillary Clinton quite so much.

Anunomess said...

If you are Matthau, does that make Hoagy, Jack Lemmon?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I like everything about Hillary Clinton except for her looks, personality, and everything she stands for.

(And I'm actually more Lemmon than Hoag...even though he's a bit of a fancy lad)

Anunomess said...

okay, that clears it all up.

So, Hill can count on your vote next election?

hillary said...

You've broken my heart. I thought we had something special.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Hillary is extra clever this afternoon....terribly ugly, but clever.

Clinky said...

Maybe it's because you were wearing women's underpants.

Clinky said...

Maybe it's because you were wearing women's underpants.

Hillary said...

I knew it was just a misunderstanding.

{{blows a kiss}}

Fellow Scorpio said...

Scorpios are often misunderstood.

[but remember, a scorpion's sting can be deadly.)

Bemisdown said...

You looked a little like Whoopie that night in the cheap motel room when you dressed up as a nun and I dressed up as a.....ooops.

Sorry. Forgot this was a semi-public space.

Anunomess said...

What's all this about dressing up as a nun?

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I wasn't dressed as a nun...I was dressed as a panda. A Catholic Panda. A Catholic Female Panda.

Anunomess said...

a Catholic female Panda named Hillary Matthau?

[see how I tried to bring the whole subject matter full circle?]

cake said...

One year, a friend of mine came to a Halloween party as a nun and her husband came as a cardinal*. Somewhere I have a posed picture of them makin' out. Really, really funny.

*(The religious figure, not the bird...an important distinction.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Right after Anunomess brings it back on topic you CAKE screw it all up and now have me thinking about the St. Louis Cardinals and now the Red Sox.

Crap.

cake said...

Sorry, Walter.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Who's callin the Matthau black?

Anunomess said...

Aintno: I thought you were Jack Lemmon, now I am getting all confused again.

Who's Hoagy, again?
Rear Admiral?

cake said...

There is no Hoagy, he made him up.

Anunomess said...

I was wondering about that.

Hoagy is his alter-ego.

Anunomess said...

I may have some meds to help out with that.

cake said...

For Bacon Ace:

A cat with bacon taped to it.

Bemisdown said...

Panda's aren't Catholic. I know that for a fact...they're God hating Communists.

Anunomess said...

I think Aintno gets those two groups confused a lot.

So let me see if I have got this correct.
Ain'tno is a black, female, God-hating-Communist Panda named Hillary Matthau who watches the Red Sox when they play in St Louis.

Anunomess said...

and she's a Scorpio.

Bemisdown said...

I think you might have got it right there anunomess. I'm not sure I understood it, but it sounds good.

(I'm the slow kid...I need processing time)

bacon ace said...

I love you Cake.

NoOprah,
I think you look more line David Byrne. Is that a compliment in any way?

Anunomess said...

Nooprah, David Byrne used to date Jerry Hall (a model!) so it must be a compliment.

(there's that useless music trivia again...)