Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Why Democrats are stupid

Massachusetts is probably in the top ten as far as racist states go.

Do we all agree with that?

We do? Good...cuz it's true. You know it. I know it.

So what are the Democrats going to do today? They're probably going to nominate Deval Patrick (a black guy) as their candidate for Governor. The Dems will LOVE nominating a black guy cuz it'll make them feel all mushy and gooey inside....showing how liberal and caring they are when in fact they know nothing about him. They're gonna nominate him ONLY because he's black. And what will happen when a black guy tries to run for governor in racist Massachusetts?

He'll lose to the Republicans.

And only because he's black.

And that my friends is why the Democrats are stupid. (Though some of their women are kinda hot)

I think the Republicans are gonna run a woman. Probably a white woman. She could probably lose ten pounds.


Anonymous said...


I have a great deal of affection for our NoOprah, cynical, conservative/libertarian that he is, and I know that he plays a lot of his opinions for giggles -- and I'm willing to giggle along with him, even at the expense of my liberal, proto-Socialist leanings...

But I spent four years down South (college), and no, I gotta put my foot down here.

I can half-concede a point: In the true definition of "racism", perhaps the nomination of Deval Patrick is racially motivated. Yes, knee-jerk liberals may well favor a minority candidate over a Caucasian one without considering each candidate's merits out of some sense of justice.

And yes, even in beloved New York City, we had racially motivated draft riots during the Civil War, and racial tensions remain, neighborhood by neighborhood...

But nobody's writing any songs like "Strange Fruit" about Brooklyn. And the baseline of bigotry (which, perhaps, we should define separately from racism) is a hell of a lot higher in the Confederate states than it is in the northeast.

Saying that racism exists in the same proportion up north as it does down south is a conservative fallacy, much in the same way kneejerk support for a minority candidate may be a liberal fallacy (although there was a Democratic congressional primary in Brooklyn which just contradicted that).

Racism is a lot more real, tangible and overt down south. Yes, I think there's a difference between the country club racism we have up north that looks down its nose at Jews (like yours truly) and blacks and the street-level bigotry of the CSA. Nobody's hands are clean on this.

But hands are a hell of a lot more dirty in the south.

NoOprah, man, I love your blog, and you're a funny bastard. I realize this is a lot more serious than I usually get, and that your blog calls for. But this is a hot button with me. Forgive the tone.

I'll join you in tweaking La Clinton and Herr Kennedy -- even though I support both of them -- because lord knows they're both flawed characters. But this particular conservative shibboleth I ain't letting pass unanswered.

*Sob* I love you, man... now can I have your Bud Lite?

-- Lamont Cranston

Sparkle Plenty said...

Your hysterical republican rhetoric raises some gripping questions for me.

Such as: Do you mean mushy and gooey like marshmallow fluff(TM), or mushy and gooey like daffy taffy(TM) that a kid dropped on a hot sidewalk? I need to understand the correct textural connotation.

And: Did you know that the hot-button "cankle" issue crosses all party lines and transcends all race, creed, socioeconomic, sexual orientation, and gender lines? We stand...a country united...by our melting pot of cankles.

Sparkle Plenty said...

That is a very well-thought treatise by the anonymous Lamont Cranston. I agree. Well writ.

(I guess it's true: Only the Shadow Knows What Evil Lurks in the Heart of Men.)

I Ain't No Oprah said...

I didn't say Massachusetts was the MOST racist...I said it was on the top ten:

1. Mississippiissippiissippi

2. Alabama

3. Georgia

4. Louisiana

5. South Carolina

6. Arkansas

7. Missouri

8. State #8

9. State #9

10. Massachusetts

We'll see in November. If Deval wins I'll eat a taco and brownies and pancakes.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Hmph. You might add:

Florida, especially the part near the panhandle which Alabama doesn't want.

North Carolina (hello? How many times did it send Jesse Helms to the Senate?)

Texas (all right, in Texas they hate everybody not from Texas, but they sure don't hate 'em equally)

Tennessee (a poor state that uses a class system to keep its citizens in check)

Virginia (a tobacco/plantation state -- although Virginia holds a curious position of being a Confederate state that the other southern states don't trust, as it is a border state).

I'll accept that Massachusettes is among the top 20 most racist states. But that's only because of the damned Mormons.

I hate those guys.

NoOprah: If Deval Patrick wins, you're going to eat your usual breakfast?

And to anonymous... WTF W?

-- Lamont Cranston

Anonymous said...

*Massachusetts*, even.

-- Lamont Cranston

motheragawd said...

Oh, Nooprah. You are so silly.
I wish I lived in Massachusetts so I could vote for Deval Patrick and then watch you eat a taco pancake.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

Why would you vote for Deval Patrick? Because you agree with his stand on...ummmm...ahhhh....you know....education and ummm...health care ...right?

(The first I ever heard of Deval was two days ago....so I can't say I actually know where he stands on anything.)

Democrats are SOOOOO cute!

Phil Donahue's Niece said...

oooh it's national talk like a pirate day!!! aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggh

motheragawd said...

//(The first I ever heard of Deval was two days ago....so I can't say I actually know where he stands on anything.)//

Ah, knee-jerk Republicans. They're SOOOO adorable!

I know as much about him as you do. I'd vote for him for that gooey, mushy feeling I get whenever I vote for someone who isn't George Bush, or a member of his party.

cake said...

I'm surprised at you all. Blogging when you should've been listening to the fearless leader speaking at the UN.

Shame on you all.


bacon ace said...

Fearless and oblivious are two different things.

cake said...

Wow, where'd everyone go? Did you all go off to read the transcript of the address??

What a patriotic bunch.

Gal from New Zealand said...

Sorry I don't have time to comment. Have to take my husband to go vote for some cute black guy.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

It always comes down to cute guys for you Gals From New Zealand.

Anonymous said...

>>She could probably lose ten pounds.>>

Sadly, so could most of us.

Anonymous said...

What's a proto-socialist?
...jes' curious


Anonymous said...

A proto-Socialist is a Socialist who hasn't yet realized that Capitalism is awfully handy when it comes time to cough up the rent money.

-- Lamont Cranston

Bemisdown said...

I've known about Deval Partick for about 6 months now-I was just listening to people talk as he gathered momentum...noone even MENTIONED his race.

And it never occurred to me when I saw a picture of him. It's SUCH a nonissue with me. I happen to like what the guy says and the way he inspires people.

And Whats-Her-Face Healy...her campaign platform: "I'm a bitch wth a very rich husband, I live in Beverly Farms and was LT. Governor under Carpetbagger Mormon Guy Smiley and so deserve to be Governor of Massachusetts. And I'll deal with the most pressing issue facing our state today: our childrens' addiction to Oxycotin.."

Republicans shouldn't even have the right to VOTE now, considering what we've had to endure under the increasingly, and obviously, out his mind person currently occupying the White House.

Sorry so serious...I've just had it with both the folks who run this country and the mental midgets who defend them (Sorry Nooprah-you didn't have a CLUE who Deval Patrick was until yesterday and then immediately accused all of his supporters as being 'racists...' As far as I can see, Bush has placed minorities in some of the highest positions in government...so I guess, given your line of reasoning, that YOU"RE all racist too. We have a female African-American Secretary of State, and I wouldn't vote for her if she were running to be the local dogcatcher....)

Don't pigeonhole me.

Bemisdown said...

And by the way,
Grandma "Let Them Eat Cake" Babs Bush didn't think her son Jeb was Oval Office- bound because his wife, a Mexican-American, was not "First Lady Material."

Unlike the dopamine dripped Stepford First Lady we have now.

Note how the Bushies have put duct tape over Grandma's mouth recently?

Gal from New Zealand said...

Have to say I'm rather surprised to read bemisdown's post after her reaction to my post about 9-11!

Gal from New Zealand said...

By the way Nooprah, you're pretty cute yourself!!!

Bemisdown said...

Gal From New Zealand,

I'm usually pretty consistent. I THINK I may have taken offense to folks not being able to get satire then...

I "Know" Mr. No. His post today was NOT satirical. So I gave my 25 cents (that's two cents plus inflation).

He's used to it from me. Especially because he knows that I'm right and he's wrong.

But he's still cute.

Bemisdown said...


Sort of looks like Deval Patrick has a lock on the nomination-but I still haven't gone to bed yet, so we'll see in the A.M...

And the phrase "Mental Midgets" regarding the current administration, I borrowed from my friend and mentor Mike C....and trust me-you don't want to engage him intellectually. Smartest person I know-you'll just lose.

Bemisdown said...

And he's by no means a hard core Democrat-he dislikes Hillary as much as you do.

But he knows what he's talking about-very balanced.

not a douchebag lurker said...

I had no idea someone could be cute AND a Republican.

I learn something every day from this blog.

Gal from New Zealand said...

NoOprah is definitely the only cute republican I know. Usually I regard republicans as retards!

cake said...

Hang on a second, so you're trying to tell me that NoOprah is a retahded Republican and somehow also...cute?!

My universe was just turned on its head.

I need a drink.

I Ain't No Oprah said...

>>>>>>Nooprah-you didn't have a CLUE who Deval Patrick was until yesterday and then immediately accused all of his supporters as being 'racists...<<<<<<<<<<<<

Dear Bemisdown,

You missed the whole goddamn point of my post. I didn't say his SUPPORTERS are racist...I said if nominated he would probably lose because of the racists that live in this state. Republicans and Democrats and Independents alike.

Get your head out of your very firm and tight and sexy democratic ass.

Anonymous said...

C'mon now, do I have to separate you two?

Bemisdown said...

Maybe we should sit in separate sides of the classroom.

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